Edward Kennedy 1932 – 2009

Edward Kennedy, the last of the four Kennedy Brothers, Senator for Massachusetts, the “Democratic Icon“, the “Lion of the Senate“, the “Champion of Social justice” has died aged 77. It’s somewhat comforting to know that the Liberal ex Senator and the key player in many liberal reforms throughout his illustrious 47 year career in the Senate, lived to see the election of Barack Obama, the man many see as a Kennedy in terms of his political stance, the first hugely liberal President, since Edward’s brother John F Kennedy was elected in 1960.

The Kennedy’s have achieved almost iconic status around the World, due to their strong convictions, their photogenic quality, and unfortunately, the death that has so tragically defined their family name. Joseph Kennedy Jr died during World War II; John Kennedy became President in 1960 but was controversially assassinated in 1963 in Dallas; and Robert Kennedy was assassinated whilst running for President in 1968; leaving Edward as the only surviving Kennedy brother.

In 1960, Edward’s Brother John gave a speech in New York, that would sum up his, Robert’s and Edward’s attitudes and values, that would influence a young Barack Obama, and the World we live in today:

“What do our opponents mean when they apply to us the label “Liberal?”…..If by a “Liberal” they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a “Liberal,” then I’m proud to say I’m a “Liberal.”

Such a strong proponent of Universal Healthcare (whilst those undeserving compulsive liars like John McCain… whom I and a few friends watched last night, live on Fox, telling America how shit the British NHS is….despite the fact that the World Health Organisation, puts us way above the USA in terms of quality healthcare…. I think McCain is just prone to blatant lying, whilst a mass of dispicably selfish right wingers clapped his every word, starting questions quite pathetically with “Thank you Mr McCain, you’re one of the most Patriotic men i’ve ever had the pleasure to meet“….pass the vomit bucket please), it is a shame Kennedy couldn’t have been more involved in this debate than he was. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with a Brain Tumour back in May 2008, and didn’t recover. He will be greatly missed. I truly hope that the liberal thinking behind his many achievements, has been passed on to this new Generation now occupying the White House, and that much can be achieved that would make the Kennedy’s proud. It is a huge shame however, that Kennedy will not live to see any great Healthcare Reform plan, since healthcare reform has been his political calling for decades.

Edward Kennedy was a key player in the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965 – of which he gave a great speech against the Conservative critics of the Bill. The National Cancer Act of 1971 which was a bit of a dip in the water of Universal healthcare; the Federal Election Campaign Act Amendments of 1974 which set limits on campaign contributions and forced more public disclosure of where those funds were coming from; the Comprehensive Anti-Apartheid Act of 1986 (which was vetoed by profit-is-more-important-than-people President Ronald Reagan) put economic sanctions on the South African pro-Apartheid government until they agreed to end Apartheid and release Nelson Mandela; the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 – a law preventing discrimination on the grounds of disability; the Ryan White AIDS Care Act in 1990 – designed to help those suffering from AIDS on low incomes get access to better quality drugs and care; the Mental Health Parity Act in 1996 and 2008 which states that limits on mental health benefits cannot be lower than limits for medical benefits offered by a group health plan – another step toward better healthcare that the Free Market cannot solve itself; the State Children’s Health Insurance Program in 1997 – designed to make sure that millions of uninsured and under-insured children were covered for health benefits; and the No Child Left Behind Act in 2002 – proposed, I concede by George W Bush just after taking office, designed to test students annually with a state wide standardised test. Schools that receive certain funding must improve year on year or risk tougher sanctions
until they improve.

To sum up, Kennedy was a giant on the political scene, for five decades. Thus ends half a century of the Kennedy Dynasty and it’s influence on American, and in many cases, World affairs. Ted, remains an irreplaceable icon on the side of those seeking Social justice and human compassion.

Edward Kennedy; February 22, 1932 – August 25, 2009

The rules of Marriage

It is rather ironic that anti-gay marriage proponent, and self named “defender of Traditional Marriage” in California, Doug Manchester is getting divorced. Almost poetic. Perhaps if Mr Manchester had spent less time funding anti-gay movements, less time stealing $9.3million from the joint account of him and his wife of 43 years, and more time trying to save his traditional marriage, this essence we know as Karma wouldn’t have made him a bit of a public laughing stock.

Mr Manchester told the New York Times in July 2008, that he was funding Prop 8, because; “my Catholic faith and longtime affiliation with the Catholic Church leads me to believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman.” I hope I can count on Manchester’s money to help me fund an initiative designed to ban divorce… because the Catholic Church doesn’t look too kindly at that particular subject.

The word “traditional” in the horribly right winged mantra; “traditional marriage” is almost ironic in itself. In the same way that American’s tend to call tall people “shorty“. Whilst marriage certainly has been a case of man and woman throughout history (mainly because society had not evolved to the stage where homosexuality was acceptable, and that punishment for homosexuality was considered perfectly legitimate, yet for some odd reason all Christians, even Mr Manchester would agree we’ve evolved enough as a society to ignore other sections of Biblical “traditions“, such as Exodus 21:7 – “If a man sells his daughter as a female slave, she is not to go free as the male slaves do“), it has no traditional precedent in the slightest.

Take Biblical marriage for example. If the homophobes among us are going to chant the boring, unoriginal, ridiculous mantra of “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” (God also made Eve out of Adam’s rib. So when you’re finished attacking Gay people, why not surgically remove your own rib, and try to raise it into a Female, go on, try it!) then they also have to, by their very own logic, point out that Exodus 21:10 states “If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights“…… So, traditional marriage, in the very earliest sense, the very essence of what marriage traditionally meant, was that you can marry as many women as you like, as long as you look after the first wife.

Now, if we skip forward to the New Testament, we see; Matthew 22:23-32, which paraphrases Deuteronomy 25:5, with; “Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him“
Traditional Marriage is becoming a little bit complicated. It certainly isn’t a romantic union of pure Love between a man and a woman. It can be apparently between a man and many women, a man and his brother’s widow, or if you’re King David – anyone you quite like the look of on that particular day.

Roman marriage was not much filled with love and romance either. Roman women were expected to marry, purely to produce a son, and purely because the wealth of the girl, when married, moved entirely to the husband, who would use it as political capital. The ceremony itself did not involve mother-in-laws crying at how happy their Daughter looked, or the kissing of the bride, or the romantic glance into each others eyes. Instead, it consisted of the two households signing into agreements about property and wealth, and the agreement from the new wife that she would provide children, pretty much on demand. If a wife failed to produce male offspring, the male would often divorce her and just move on to another woman in the hope of producing a male.

Skip even further, to Renaissance Europe, and England in particular, we are presented with the death of King Henry Tudor, and the crowning of his second son (Prince Arthur, originally supposed to succeed his father, died young), the 17 year old King Henry VIII. Henry’s new bride, and the widow of Arthur (sticking with tradition so far!) Catherine was the daughter of the recently formed Spain (the marriage between Ferdinand of Aragon and Isabella of Castile) and so a powerful Princess. The marriage between Arthur, and then Henry, and Catherine was one designed purely to create an ally out of England and Spain in the face of a powerful enemy in France. Henry soon became overly bored with Catherine, given that she failed to produce any living sons to succeed Henry. She gave him a daughter, the future Queen Mary, and Henry wanted a son. He became convinced that he was cursed to have no sons, and that God did not appreciate him marrying his Brother’s widow (clearly the contradictions of the Bible confused him). It was always going to be difficult to get a marriage annulment from the Pope, given that the Pope was now under the control of The Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, who just happened to be Catherine’s nephew. This in turn, lead to Henry deciding he didn’t need the Pope’s permission, and so broke from Rome, which set the ball rolling for what he now know as the Protestant Reformation – cemented fully, during the reigns of Henry’s only son King Edward, and his daughter Queen Elizabeth – the very reason us Brits aren’t some mindless Catholic drones. Meanwhile, Catherine, was simply banished from Court. And the subsequent marriages of Henry, were all designed purely for the creation of a male heir. Marriage in Tudor England, Renaissance Europe, and in fact, the preceding centuries had absolutely nothing to do with love, nor was it anything like it is today. Marriage was reasons of power and wealth, the joining of two strong families with visions of grandeur. It is the reason Henry’s father, Henry Tudor married the niece of Henry’s enemy, Richard III. It cemented the Tudor dynasty beautifully. Marriage in the proceeding centuries following the Tudor’s comes directly from our 16th Century King, marrying six times, executing two, and divorcing two, all for the sake of a male heir.

A couple of centuries later, and America has just elected it’s first President. George Washington at the helm of perhaps the most impressive Government in American History. John Adams as Vice President. Alexander Hamilton at the Treasury. John Jay as Chief Justice. And most importantly to this blog, Thomas Jefferson as Secretary of State. Jefferson is possibly one of the most contradictory characters in American history. He promotes small government, wont actually shut up about the joys of small government and how destructive large government is….. and yet it is Jefferson who expands government the most when he becomes America’s 3rd President. Jefferson penned the Declaration of Independence, writing that “all men are created equal” yet, he owns many slaves. When Jefferson’s wife died, it is widely assumed that he had a long affair with a slave in his possession, Sally Hemings, whom he does not free, but instead, has sex with. His own personal sex slave. She then has children, which DNA testing has supported the notion that all six of them, were Jefferson’s. The four surviving children, also become his slaves until the age of 21 (two ran away). A man has needs!!!! Jefferson refused to marry Hemings, stating of mixed race marriages; “The amalgamation of whites with blacks produces a degradation to which no lover of his country, no lover of excellence in the human character, can innocently consent“. So, marriage between blacks and whites during the 18th Century, it would seem was just as sneered upon by the elites, as gay marriage is today. Jefferson, was the 18th Century’s version of Doug Manchester when it comes to marriage.

In fact, it was only in 1967 that the U.S Supreme Court announced it’s decision in the case of Loving v. Virginia, that Anti-Miscegenation laws were unconstitutional.

Marriage has been a subject that has no formal tradition. It isn’t something that has been set in stone since the Biblical era. In fact, it doesn’t resemble Biblical or even early Christian traditions in any way shape or form. It has been used for wealth, prestige, political gain, property, and power, producing of children, much much more than anything to do with a sense of love and unity. Marriage, like society, evolves. We exist at a time when the next stage in the evolution of Marriage is occurring, and whilst 16th Century Europe struggled to come to terms with a major stage in Marriage evolution, with what it meant for a King to proclaim himself more important than the Church when it comes to the institution of Marriage itself, I’d suggest that in today’s World, society in general has evolved to a much more sensible and reasonable level to be able to accept changes, like the inclusion of homosexual couples, without taking opposition to the extreme.

If we are to cite obscure passages in the Bible, to state our case against certain subjects, then we must also cite the Bible to state our case against accepted norms. I’m sure I can count on Mr Manchester’s support when I start selling my children into Slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7-11.

Far Right (il)logic

As you walk through Leicester, toward the train station, there is a wall that has been the victim of a plethora of useless graffiti, the type that 15 year olds “tag” for some fatuously odd reason. This one in particular, that I walked past, simply read “Cunt off”. You may be forgiven for thinking this is the most ridiculously written piece of nonsensical literature I would come across today. Apparently, the BNP went one better, by trying to tell me that there is some sort of evil anti-White Holocaust taking place in the Nation’s Capital.

This time, the BNP have taken up utterly useless journalism mixed with propaganda that Adolf Hitler himself would have said “yeah this is even too farfetched for me”. The headline of the news story on the BNP website (just underneath the photo of the bogged eyed fat Nazi twat in charge of the far Right party of thugs) for the 13th August, states quite comically “It’s Official: White British People Have Been Ethnically Cleansed from Inner London“.
You may be forgiven for thinking that the sweet old Arab lady on the picture, has just came out of John Lewis, minding her own business, waiting for a bus. You’d be wrong. She’s (this can’t be proven, but we’re talking about the BNP, so facts and logic aren’t all that important) an evil muslim probably a terrorist, who advocates the whipping of your wife, and the TOTAL abolition of Christmas leading to laws in which YOUR children will have their faces cut off if they say the word “Santa” ever again. True(ish) story.

Ethnically cleansed from inner London? Has Boris Johnson been gassing millions of White Londoners? Surely not? Have over 1 million people been killed, echoing the Ethnic Cleansing of Armenia after World War I, where hundreds of thousands were marched for hundreds of Miles into the deserts of modern day Syria in which many of the Armenians (regardless of age) were raped and murdered by the Ottomans? Or perhaps the BNP are comparing modern London (which, I’ve lived in, and loved) with Apartheid in South Africa? Or, are the BNP, as I suspect, simply using absolutely ludicrous language as a manipulation tool to spread it’s message of fear?

What the BNP have decided qualifies as “ethnic cleansing” is this…
“Of the approximately 310,907 children in London schools, 159,340 do not have English as their mother tongue, as opposed to 151,567 who do.“
Not content to just attack anyone with a slightly darker skin complexion, they’ve taken it upon themselves to write an entire article, that creates suspicion and anger around………children. Now, I’m normal, and I’d suggest I have a slight grasp of human decency, enough to say that I REALLY don’t care what someone’s native language is, as long as they’re polite and respectful. Isn’t that just common sense? Can I expect the BNP to tell me that there’s more green eyed people in Leicester than blue eyed, and so therefore Leicester has been ethnically cleansed of blue eyed folk? Politics of fear and hatred backed up by ill-conceived, puerile, desperately narrow minded, destructive language is just not necessary nor justifiable. Simply put, regardless of how much they deny it, they are Nazis. Their supporters, are Nazis.

The comments on the article, are almost as ridiculous as the article itself, it shows just what type of fools the BNP supporters actually are.

“Mercia” writes….
“Didn’t we fight the last war to keep Britain British? What a betrayal!“
- No. My grandad will quite happily tell you, that he fought to keep you Nazi idiots from getting anywhere near power ever again. And surely “keeping Britain British” depends on your subjective view on the term “British”? My view of what makes Britain great, is it’s ability to change and update with the times. Britain is an Island, therefore has always been a mix of people from different backgrounds. Roman, Celts, Saxon, it doesn’t matter.

“Enochrules” writes…
“I can almost understand Labour’s insistence on propaganda about multiculturalism, but why do companies like HSBC jump on board? HSBC has adverts at Heathrow showing pictures of a Chinese fellow in traditional dress with the capital ‘Bejing’, a white Russian in a fur cap with the Word ‘Moscow’, an Indian in traditional robes with the word ‘Delhi’ , and London? Why a black man in a suit of course…….I suppose the pearly King and Queen with their Union Jack sequin suits was considered too racist!“
- Firstly, propaganda about multiculturalism? Damn those New Labour folks for forcing me to be friends with people from different cultures and respecting each other equally. I must take to the street with a Union Jack posting home made “GO HOME FOREIGNER!!” leaflets through the doors of my friends. Secondly, is he seriously suggesting that all adverts should only show White Brits? Probably with tattooed arms, bald heads, England football shirts, shouting “Bloody pakis” in a pub, just before a fight. I just love that he’s suggesting that anyone who isn’t a Nazi is “jumping on board” a ship of multicultural propaganda. What’s the alternative? The BNP showing a constant stream of the Islamic protests at the Soldiers return in Luton…….. all 16 of those protesters, that huge number of protesters. Will the BNP also show footage of BNP London Assembly candidate Nicholas Eriksen saying that Women should in fact enjoy being raped? Or ex BNP Group Development Officer Tony Lecomber who was imprisoned for attacking a Jewish School teacher for no other reason than the teacher peeling a BNP sticker off of the wall of a Tube Station? I doubt it. They’ll most probably use extrodinarily ironic language, by suggesting that we shouldn’t paint all BNP members, with the same brush. Anyway……

“Mat” writes…
“in my daughters nursery class of about 25 children their is only 3 white and in my neighbours daughters secondary school just started her first year theirs 5 white kids out of a class of 38……..its getting much worse”
It’s ironic, that a man who feels the need to “defend” our Country, can’t actually speak the fucking language. Grammar would be nice Mat. Perhaps you should join your daughters class, be the fourth White person, learn the difference between “there” and “their” and then come back with your desperately racist bullshit. Also, don’t have any more children, we don’t need another generation of Nazi. How anyone can justify suggesting that having a School room with more black children than White children signifies a situation that is “getting worse“, is beyond me. Why is that “getting worse“? Are those black kids stealing from the white kids? Forcing them to listen to 50 Cent? Snorting cocaine on the school tables? Talking “street”? To equate a skin colour (rather than ability, talent, or intelligence) with a failing situation, is just so pathetically ridiculous and ignorant, I’d rather “Mat” fuck off out the country than those he wishes to see the back of.

“Tornado” writes…
“York now has a large HALAL supermarket.“
- NOOOO Surely not!!! However will I cope from day to day knowing that York now has a large Halal Supermarket. A foreign shop? Unbelievable, next we’ll be selling foreign cars, that run on oil from foreign lands whilst we’re FORCED to watch TV on Japanese TV sets, and beaten into listening to music by American bands. I have a bit of a confession to make…… I shopped in Asda the other day, which is owned by Walmart. I’m such a traitor to England. Oh the shame…

“Rebellious Sheep” writes…
“A complete tradgedy brought about by marxist policies imposed on our country without consent since 1945, they must all leave to the country of thier origin or thier parents origin or thier grandparents origin.Other wise this nation will be swamped and these invited invaders and uninvited invaders will kill us all one by one, it’s already happening and the courts are on thier side not the native british.Get them out.“
- Great idea! Then we’ll be left with a few illiterate twats such as yourself, teaching our kids the benefits of spelling simple words like “tragedy” incorrectly. Because illiteracy, is the BRITISH WAY!! Secondly, Marxist policies imposed on our Country without consent since 1945? Erm….okay. The most illogical paragraph in an entire article of illogical paragraphs, is quite an achievement. Congratulations. The rectum does not include a brain, it is simply a body part, that spews shit. That’s all it does. Beyond spewing shit, it’s pointless. It is incapable of intelligent thought, of rationale, of anything other than spewing shit. “Rebellious Sheep” is quite simply, an oversized rectum.

I’m pretty sure a few foreign school kids, who are there to learn, who will be paying the taxes that help keep the older generation of bigots alive in the following decades, who share classrooms with British born kids, and so both have a positive influence on each other, culturally and in regards to tolerance; cannot be used in the same article as “ethnic cleansing“, anyone who actually falls for it, gets angry by it, and feels the need to vote BNP because of it, should seriously consider the possibility that they are, in fact, a little bit brainless.

The News of the World went undercover at some sort of Nazi rally put on by the BNP, which apparently (they will blame the liberal media conspiracy against them, but i’m pretty sure pictures don’t lie) shows men burning golly wog dolls and giving the Nazi salute. I cannot think of a better time to use the graffiti phrase “cunt off” than right now.

I’ll leave you with this piece, by Charlie Brooker. Writing in the Guardian in May 2009, Brooker produced this rather beautifully written article, which echoes my sentiments exactly:

“Our headmaster had fought for his country, and for tolerance, all at once. That’s what I understood it meant to be truly “British”: to be polite, and civil and fair of mind. (And to occasionally wallop schoolkids with slippers, admittedly, but we’ll overlook that, OK? We’ve moved on.)

But according to the BNP, I’m wrong. Being British is actually about feeling aggressed, mistrustful, overlooked, isolated, powerless, and petrified of “losing my identity”. Britishness incorporates a propensity to look around me with jealous eyes, fuming over imaginary sums of money being doled out to child-molesting asylum-seekers by corrupt PC politicians who’ve lost touch with the common man – a common man who, coincidentally, happens to be white.

They’re wrong, obviously. None of these qualities has anything whatsoever to do with being British, but everything to do with ugly nationalist politics. And ugly nationalist politics are popular all over the world. Just like Pringles. Every country has its own tiny enclave of frightened, disenfranchised, misguided souls clinging to their national flag, claiming they’re the REAL patriots, saying everyone’s out to get them. It’s an international weakness. For the BNP to claim to be more British than the other British parties is as nonsensical as your dad suddenly claiming to have invented the beard.“

Ignore reality, buy this car instead!!!

I have walked 7422 steps today. I don’t know if that’s good or not. Is it enough to qualify as a new age Lewis and Clark, rolled into one; if so, will a statue be made of me any time soon? Or, is it that 7422 steps is actually disastrously lazy? Either way, today I know that have walked exactly 7422 steps. Do you know how I know that? Because my mobile phone told me. Quite why I’d need a phone to tell me how lazy I am, is beyond me. I’m expecting the next generation of kettle to tell me how bald i’m looking these days. Just to really rub salt into the gaping wound. My next pillow case to say “get your dirty little face off of me” next time I lay down. My can of deodorant to whisper majestically “my my, someone has put on a bit of weight this week“, whilst the McDonalds advert on the TV encourages me to enrich my life with it’s own personal brand of heart disease.

It isn’t the most pointless gadget that our generation of out of control turbo consumers have, well, consumed. Half the planet (mainly the West) is overrun with useless shit, all designed to take our minds off of what actually matters. Why care that the death toll in the War in Darfur is up to 200,000 with millions more displaced, when you can have THIS BRAND NEW BENTLEY!! OOOOOO. That’s right! Stop caring! Be a consumer instead! Define yourself by what you own! The thieves in suits wondrous Corporations that run your lives depend on your total acquiescence to their utter, utter bullshit.

Speaking of Bentley’s, and pretentious arseholes, a man entered my place of work today, and proceeded to tell me a story about a wedding he’d attended recently. He placed his copy of Esquire (a magazine that may as well say “hey, you’re a business man right? Well here’s the thing, you’re amazing, go look at yourself in the mirror, you’re beautiful, look at those shoes!! You’re better than everyone else, go spit on a tramp, you beautiful beautiful powerful man you!“) to one side and started with his useless story. Try to spot the moment where I had to restrain myself from saying “can I stop you there……. I’m contemplating the notion, that you may have got me mixed up with someone who actually cares about your sheltered, miserable, pointless existence, you fucking oxygen thief“…..
“So, I was wondering what to wear, and I put on a cheap sui……no wait, that’s a lie, I don’t own any cheap suits, my suits are all designer, the cheapest I have cost just under £2000“.
Did you spot it? Did you? I’ll give you a hint, it was the entire macabre sentence. I couldn’t care less about his expensive suits. Even if I got out of bed an hour early, with the express intention of spending that hour… caring less, I still couldn’t care any less than I do right now.
If he’d have told me he is an struggling artist, or a confessional poet, or a popular Italian Tenor, or a composer, or a Photographer trying to make his name, I may have been impressed. But telling me your suits are expensive, when to me, all suits look the same, and everyone who wears suits, look like little unimpressive, masterfully useless braindead robots, is just asking to be ignored.

We’re the generation that relentlessly and rather pathetically relies on Corporations to get us through life. We have a deflated and vanishing sense of our own spirituality by the time we leave school, because our lives become a nightmare of consumerism and vanity. The two, and linked beautifully. We don’t have time to understand ourselves on a deeper level, because we’re convinced to keep to the superficial level, the surface. We constantly want more. More of everything. There isn’t a goal, there isn’t an end in sight, it’s just more, of more. And we inevitably, end up (despite how important we may feel in our new Bentley and expensive suits) indescribably weak minded, cut off from reality (I mean REAL reality, not the kind that Neo-Liberalism has carved up for us), and trying to impress the World with how much we have.

The bubble of course, burst in late 2007. Northern Rock plummeted, after offering over 100% mortgages. The Sub Prime nightmare, the very essence of turbo consumption, the pinnacle of greed and short term profit, the child of Reagan and Thatcher’s legacy of utter bullshit and deregulation of the financial sector, proved to be the last gasp of hot air to be pumped into the bubble before it inevitably exploded. Of course, those with free-market-failure-denial will always refuse to accept that their ideals, are wrong. They’ll blame government interference some how. But the rest of us, who don’t live on a different Planet, are left struggling worse than ever. But, quite amusingly, we’re still encouraged to consume. We define ourselves by what coffee house we drink at, or where we buy our clothes, or what our phone can do. We ignored gravity. The higher the bubble rose, the more we consumed. The bubble kept rising, our houses were worth more and more and it excited us. We no longer view a house as somewhere to live. Instead, it’s a commodity. We see it as a £ sign. Suddenly, we’re judging each other on what we own. We’re all addicted to consuming. Which is why we THINK we’re in some huge crises now. Because we had to stop spending, when credit dried up. We went from having far too much, to very little, in an incredibly short space of time. The bubble, with us assuming we were securely inside it, burst, and we fell to Earth with a smash. We REALLY need to sort out our priorities.

Whilst I blame the Wolves in suits, who seem to think they’re above the rest of Humanity, with the swagger of arrogance where ever they walk, with the sound of vanity in their miserable voices the moment they open their mouths to talk about, let’s face it, materialism; I also blame us. We consumed because it was easy. We consumed because we’re easily manipulated. We consumed because we’re horribly vain, and we’ve been taught that we’re competitive by nature (we’ve been taught it! We didn’t inherit competitiveness), so we try to out-do one another by what we can afford to consume. We don’t like that everyone else seems to own more. We don’t care if they KNOW more, we care what they own. We don’t care how beautifully creative someone else is, how they can use their mind to create stunning works of art or literature or music, we’re more interested in their wallet. And that desire to consume MORE than others, has lead to an industry meticulously destroying the planet (Carbon emissions hit an all time high in 2008), exploit as many people as possible without it actually being called what it is; slavery. But it’s okay, because it’s “freedom”….. fuck right off! I can’t afford to be free. Nor can 99% of the planet.

According to his book “All Consuming”, Neal Lawson states that in 1979, 32 million people used British airports for travel. In 2004, the figure was 216 million. That of those 216 million, 96% were from richer backgrounds, socio-economic groups A, B and C1. Whether it’s flying on business, or to New York for a shopping trip, it cannot be justified. But it wont stop. It does not matter how many economic bubbles burst, we’re now stuck, in this frenzy of turbo consumerism. It is now who we are. It is the 21st Century, and probably beyond. Does this sort of manic life of over consumption make us happy? Are we now happier than ever before? No. That’s the simple, and yet deepest answer possible. We hate it. We hate our jobs. We hate that we don’t have what our neighbour has. We hate that we can’t afford more. We’re much more miserable. So, that’s miserable, poor, and ignorant. So far so good!

We have somehow, come to the conclusion that it’s okay for Primark to exploit children (but we go absolutely crazy, when we hear Baby P style stories) and that it’s perfectly acceptable for Coca Cola to poison the water supply of local villages in India. As long as we don’t hear about it. It doesn’t surprise me. Consumerism has taught us to ignore. Ignore ourselves. Ignore the real World. Ignore injustice. Ignore ruthless cunts stripping away the individuality of a generation of telephone answering Admins and Tesco till girls. Ignore the shit that other ACTUAL HUMANS have to go through, so you and I can spend as little of our borrowed money as possible. Whilst it now costs more to consume ethical products (recession is a lovely way to act less ethically when we shop, and a big incentive for amoral corporate cunts bosses to exploit at will), perhaps instead of turning to less ethical but cheaper named brands to satisfy our next hit of the consumer drug, we should just buy less! According to Labourbehindthelabel.org….
“Workers at factories supplying these retailers told researchers of working weeks as high as 90 hours, overtime unpaid, wages so low that families are malnourished, and strong resistance to any attempts at worker organising. At the same time suppliers revealed how the supermarkets are cranking up the pressure to deliver faster and produce cheaper – a model that makes a mockery of the social commitments made by these companies. “
I’m not entirely sure how any human being, with a heart, can possibly justify this. The West demands that this kind of horrific treatment of actual human beings continues, because we demand cheaper goods, an abundance of cheap shit that ultimately we don’t need. Those people are being meticulously mistreated, for ultimately no reason whatsoever. It makes honestly no sense to my DIRTY SOCIALIST head.

These idiots exploit humanity, destroy the planet, rape resources, and profit from war…. and then THEY have the balls to complain that they’re being taxed too much to fund a safety net for those less fortunate? I’m not the fucking immoral disgrace of a human being out of us two!

And to top it off nicely, America apparently now does not want to let poor people have access to health care. It’s a funny ole selfish World we live in. And it’s getting worse. We’re all mindless drones, committed to the chase for more; a chase with no fulfilled finish line, just endless anguish that we don’t have enough.

Still, 7422 steps!!! Go team Jamie!

Querencia

The Spanish have a beautiful word; Querencia, meaning a place that gives the feeling of complete comfort and safety. The scent, the feel, the atmosphere, the sense, everything about a certain place in your life, that offers complete inner Bhāvanā tranquillity. And whilst that certainly is fine by me, because there are only a couple of places I find myself ominously overcome by such feelings of utter tranquillity; Querencia can be quite the paradox, if one has a – what I like to call – Columbus complex

Not too much is known about the life of Christopher Columbus. Not too much is known about his infamous voyage across the Atlantic in Santa María de la Inmaculada Concepción. We have few “Diario de a bordo” entries from 1492, but nothing much else. We do not even know for sure when or where Columbus was born. The general consensus is that he was born in Genoa. However, there are no documents that prove it, nor are any of his surviving letters to family members written in the language of the Genoese, or any form of Italian for that matter. We don’t even know why he sailed to the Canaries (although they were a possession of Castile, it still happened to be almost 800 miles off course) before his first Voyage to the Americas. And to end with, he died in relative obscurity. He was indeed, a man of complete mystery. He appears to have lived, for the ocean. He was almost addicted to chaos, and that conventionally “unnatural” order to Christopher Columbus life, that crazed nature, the unknown, the mystery, the chaos, appears to have been Columbus’ tranquil retreat; his Querencia.

Similarly, the King of Humanism during the Renaissance, a brilliant Philosopher and writer, Giovanni Pico Della Mirandola, seems to have lived a life that most (at that time) would have considered unnatural, different, and with a sort of love for thinking dangerously outside the box, which appears to have been his own inner Querencia. Giovanni, around 1486 wrote 900 Theses on Humanism, that quite simply sent shockwaves across Christendom. He wrote an educated text, named “Oration on the Dignity of Man” that, which accompanied the 900 theses. To summarise quite horrendously, the text suggested man was almost God-like, that destiny was controlled by man, and man had the right to whatever he so wished to be. It suggested that God created man, to be completely free from any restriction, to have no true nature within themselves, and that when man gives up learning, he becomes quite pointless (Mirandola would have despised Big Brother, and probably exploded with rage at the sight of our society failing miserably on Jeremy Kyle’s stage). They were Humanist texts in a largely violently religious, anti-humanist setting, but became the key documents of Renaissance humanism. His mission, was to get scholars from all over the known World, to come to Rome and debate the issues he raised. A man of great intellect, and a man on a different level to the rest of us. He was labelled as a heretic, by Pope Innocent VIII and arrested after fleeing to France. He was beaten, flogged and tortured, but refused to give up his theories and writings. Giovanni Pico Della Mirandola’s inquisitive mind, was his own Querencia.

Not too long ago, a friend of mine complained to me that I only seem to choose to be around people that I feel safe around, that only people I consider “intelligent” do I give any time to these days. And although I initially disagreed with that sentiment, thinking about it now, it would appear to be true. A night at a pub talking about football and fighting and how much one can drink without being sick, is not something I find interesting, nor is it something I’m going to waste my time on any time in future. I don’t care about sport, I don’t care about drugs, I don’t care about drinking all that much. I quite like peace. I’m also drawn to intelligent conversation (whether I’m involved in the conversation, or not), because it challenges me, and forces me to learn more. I echo the thoughts of Mirandola when I say that without learning, I’d feel like a pointless good little slave to society. A universe that has an apparent air of vanity and greed, is a universe that doesn’t actually exist. We created that mythical monster, it did not exist before. We seem to be the generation that does whatever we’re told, because men in suits tell us it’s what we “should” do, so we do, unquestioningly, like perfect little robots following a path that is set in stone, yet all the time, we’re told it’s “freedom“. The World isn’t based on freedom, it never has been, it’s a new form of oppression, and one which is unrivalled in history. If we’re lucky, the majority of us are “free” enough to become a supervisor for a chain of supermarkets. The 7am alarm, is our life. Millions of people who have somehow been brainwashed quite disturbingly into believing that sitting behind a desk in a crap office of the same faces as you see in the mirror every morning, speaking the same boring office lingo day after day, is their “calling in life“. A waste of an hour, is being told to spend an hour learning how to work a checkout counter. HOW EXCITING! The acquiescence to materialism, and the “discipline” apparently needed to provide a successful life for yourself, are little more than a bit of a con. Not least, the rejection of the spiritual being and who we truly are.

Who actually are we then, other than a bunch of non-individuals, who spend our lives working, enriching those at the top, just to get drunk on a Saturday night, only to look back in 50 years and ponder our regrets and our fleeting inadequacies? Surely there’s more! Perhaps there isn’t. Perhaps our eternal search for more will never end, because our innate desire for happiness is at total odds with the relentless chaotic and unordered universe that we inhabit. But perhaps, the only way to feel worthwhile in life, is to deviate from the river down a little side stream, that those still on the river, eventually look back at, and admire.

If we live in a truly “anything goes” universe, we can create our own “point“. But then, you must go against the grain, to truly be yourself, uninfluenced by consumerism, which is a struggle to say the very least, because when we try to search for more, grabbing on to our slowly dying sense of individuality, it is struck out of our hands by those very same men in suits saying “you don’t need a sense of individuality and worth, when you can have this lovely new car!!!! Come and work for me! Minimum wage is the way forward!!” – The complete opposite of my Querencia.

The most interesting and rebellious of minds, are those of artists. They are the embodiment of disenchantment. They scream displeasure and anguish. They are not content, nor will they ever be content with the clear pretentiousness of the way the materialist World works. The great modern Artist on the 20th Century, Amedeo Modigliani, whilst in Paris, had turned quite mad by his own inner demons, and taken to a life of a vagabond, from a life of great wealth and intellect. He destroyed all the pomposity of his workshop, and wore cheap battered clothes. He justifies his “madness” (or what society had termed as madness, whereas, I find him to be quite normal) and ripping apart any remnant of his former rich life as “Childish baubles, done when I was a dirty bourgeois“. He knew that having tuberculosis gave him a death sentence that the rest of us struggle to understand. This, along with his clear disharmony with the way the World worked, created one of the most tragic, yet rebellious and brilliant creative minds the World has ever known. Art, creativity, an outlet for the inability to accept the brutishness of what I’m told is the “real World“; Modigliani’s Querencia. His life, was his art.

The magnificent eloquence of philosopher Albert Camus, puts into words, my own personal perspective on life, which happens to be, my very own Querencia;
“A living man can be enslaved and reduced to the historic condition of an object. But if he dies in refusing to be enslaved, he reaffirms the existence of another kind of human nature which refuses to be classified as an object.”

Perhaps my own blissful Querencia, is a sort of “Columbus Complex“, it is an inner Querencia, not a Worldly place as such. It is that disorganised, ever questioning, deceitful, forceful, rejecting, dissatisfied and tired gap in my mind, that can apparently never be filled. Without it, I’d be a little minion to societies “absolutes“, and that thought actually frightens me.

The American NHS War

“A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.“
- Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

When a Nation starts to ignore and even vilify it’s sick, on the basis of wealth, it has become a Nation far too obsessed with materialism. Not that it is at all surprising to me that the Nation so vehemently opposed to a National Health Care System, is America, given that this is the Nation that has given us…….. well…… greed and nothing much else.
Of course, it’s only right winged America spreading it’s usual brand of “OH MY GOD, SOCIALISM IS HERE!!! EVERYONE HIDE!!!” fear tactics. The remnants of the Bush era of suspicion and hatred, the remnants of the ridiculous Reagan ideology. Whilst the healthcare debate rages on the other side of the Atlantic, Republicans don’t seem to be able to quit being horribly slanderous toward any group that doesn’t fit their quite limited circle of what is decent and correct (first the Native Americans, then African Americans, then the Soviets, then the Muslims, now it would seem anyone who can’t afford healthcare and the British NHS).

“Jefferson lives“
Throughout the Revolutionary period, and the term of President Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Washingston’s Secretary of State and author of the Declaration of Independence, stated his opposition time and time again to big government. He wanted power to be as close to the people as possible, not in the hands of the Executive branch. He strongly opposed most of Hamilton’s measures as Secretary of the Treasury, to bring together State debts into one lump Federal debt. He wouldn’t shut up about how big Government is a plague. Jefferson once stated “Conquest is not in our principles. It is inconsistent with our government”, as well as “Commerce with all nations, alliance with none, should be our motto”, and so it becomes greatly obvious that hysteria, fear, and propaganda is built into the American psyche, given that Jefferson then became President, dropped all his previous convictions, and greatly expanded the role of the Federal Government by doubling the size of the Nation with the Louisiana Purchase; and his trusty Embargo Act in 1807, that suspended all trade with Europe and brought the American Economy to it’s knees with exports shooting down from $108 million to $22 million. This in turn, lead onto the first big war of the new United States, with Britain, during Madison’s term as President. And whilst Thomas Jefferson was clearly a brilliant man, it’s difficult to hold to such high esteem a man who wrote the words “All men are created equal” whilst owning over 100 slaves. Jefferson, if alive today, would be an anchor on Fox.

My dad and I have had several conversations about just how crazy America seems to be turning recently. It angered me to new levels this week, given that Glenn Beck and the rest of the Fox News faces of idiocy condemned our British National Health Care System, again and again. They stated that the elderly are being left to suffer, because they’re considered less important due to their age. The NHS though, has a Constitution, that renders it illegal to discriminate on the basis of age, gender, race, sexuality, or religion. There is also no central NHS bureaucracy, as Fox also tried to suggest. Fox, were in short, lying. Again.

It angered me, because two weeks ago my 85 year old grandfather had a huge heart attack. Thanks to the NHS, he’s now back at home, and back to his normal self. He’s had a heart bypass in the past decade, through the NHS too. My grandmother has had several heart attacks. The NHS saved her life on each occasion. The lady across the road from my house, hurt herself pretty badly last week, the NHS ambulance turned up within minutes of being called, and she’s now back home and recovering. Us Brits consider the NHS, a National treasure. If it privatisation of the NHS was even considered by a political party, that party would be unelectable.

Chuck Grassley, the most senior idiot Republican on the Senate Finance Committee, stated of Ted Kennedy:
“I don’t know for sure, But I’ve heard several senators say that Ted Kennedy with a brain tumour, being 77 years old as opposed to being 37 years old, if he were in England, would not be treated for his disease, because end of life – when you get to be 77, your life is considered less valuable under those systems.”
Now this surprises me, given that my grandparents are well over 77, and their life is considered quite clearly just as valuable as any one of a younger age. Chuck Grassley (although, it’s not surprising, given that he’s a Republican) is spreading quite vicious and insulting lies and propaganda. Unless, my grandparents have lied, and are in fact under 77.

It is plainly obvious that this debate isn’t about health, it isn’t about how to make a Country healthier, it is about right winged politicians trying their damnedest to protect the obscene profits sucked up by insurance companies, who would stand to lose out otherwise. The World is run by the rabid corruption and amoral ethical standard of big business.

According to the World Health Organisation, the United Kingdom, with it’s evil brand of Socialist medical care, spends $33,650 per capita on Health Care, where as the United States of Free Market Perfection spends $44,070. Similarly, the United Kingdom of Evil Old People Murdering Communists, has a life expectancy of 77 for Males and 81 for Females; whereas the United States of Superiority in Every Way Possible, has a life expectancy of 75 for Males and 80 for Females. Total expenditure on Healthcare as a percentage of GDP for the UK: 8.4%, and for the U.S: 15.3%. Probability of dying under five (per 1 000 live births) in the UK: 6, and in the U.S: 8. Which in turn, ranks the UK at 18th for Healthcare in the World Health Organisation, whilst America, that beckon of wondrous private health care ranks a quite pathetic, 37th. So, even if they went for a full American National Health Care program similar to ours, they might escape being worse than twice as bad as the UK. If this is Socialism, it would appear that Socialism isn’t all that bad after all. And whilst you complain about Socialised healthcare, I’ll enjoy my Socialised healthcare, whilst living longer. Thanks!

What Fox and other insurance company scams try to do, is pick up on one or two shocking stories from the NHS, and use that as PROOF that the NHS is an appalling system. The fact that they expect a free service to have no faults, is quite beyond my realm of comprehension, the fact that they use the Daily Mail as their source, our most right winged popular news paper, makes the situation all the more laughable.
We do not want a fully private health system, we’d absolutely slaughter any politician that suggested it. In fact, most Brits would agree that the NHS is underfunded, and needs an injection of more public money, not less. The fact remains that given the costs of health insurance in America, given how crap their healthcare is according to the W.H.O and given how empathy no longer exists in the USA, I’d much rather fall ill in England, than The United States of Fuck off and Die if You Can’t Afford to Live. Apparently, the profits of devious Insurance Companies have become more important than the lives of ordinary U.S citizens. Of all the bullshit the U.S has exported across the World over the centuries, I hope this one never reaches our shores.

Although, at least the Republicans are being consistent. During the Bush reign of terror, the President twice vetoed attempts to expand the SCHIP program; a program designed to protect uninsured children of families who were on quite modest incomes but too high for medicaid. Republicans didn’t quite like that idea. All for protecting kids when they’re in the womb, but as soon as they’re born, if they’re poor, then tough! Since Obama took office, he signed the Children’s Health Insurance Reauthorization Act, which covers an extra 4 million children, ignored by the Bush years. But then, if you fund the healthcare of poor kids, how are you going to fund illegal wars and the deaths of thousands of Arabs? It’s a tough one for Republicans.

And can I please point out, that we have a choice. As the free market goes, we can either have treatment free of charge on the NHS, or we can sign up to private healthcare. We have a real choice. If we’re not happy with the NHS, we can pay to go private.
Republicans have ANOTHER two reasons to be ashamed, to add to their ever growing reasons to be ashamed. Firstly, for spreading bullshit about the British NHS, to their own dishonest ends. Secondly, because they had eight years to correct the frankly appalling state of American healthcare, and did absolutely nothing. Apparently Right Wingers are more than happy to support illegal wars and actual death, uniting together to fund killing, than uniting together to help those who need it most when it comes to healthcare. (Yet, America seems perfectly fine to publicly fund universal policing and fire protection, which is slightly hypocritical, “Jeffersonian” in fact).

It is quite possible to pick up on terrible stories of people who have been mistreated by the NHS. With millions upon millions of people treated every year, for free, there will obviously be problems. But the mere fact that our own Conservative Party have vowed to protect the NHS, and the mere fact that we consider it a National treasure, that has helped to treat millions of people, save millions of lives and catapult us to twice as healthy as the USA according to the rankings of the W.H.O, suggests that our system, far outweighs anything the U.S.A has produced in regard to healthcare, and if the ridiculously self centred Right Winged Americans have their say, our UK system will remain the better system, for years to come.

Free market theories are just that, theories. The NHS here, is a reality. It works. It’s worked for over half a century. It’s Socialised healthcare, and we’re proud of it. Of course it has it’s issues, it certainly isn’t the envy of Europe, as for example, the French system is, but it works and it’s there when we need it. It is an institution concerned foremost with health, rather than profit. So stop telling your people, that we feel oppressed and under the spell of rationing, purely because The Daily Mail might feed you some lie that you fail to actually investigate yourself. We love our system, if we were given the opportunity to exchange it for the American non-system, we’d laugh at you and carry on living longer, without caring about the size of your wallet.

Is the UK becoming the new Russians, and Muslims; toys for the slander of the overly arrogant, and horribly pathetic Right Winged USA? I hope so, that could be provide me with a whole host of new blog material. It does not matter what complaints the Right Wing of America throw at us, we are FACTUALLY healthier than America.

Go team Jamie!

When you’re endlessly struggling to understand yourself, or your purpose, you eventually just start to give up placing yourself. Luckily, I’m not quite at that stage. I’m still searching for a reason to be. Perhaps purpose is the wrong word; as argued in a separate blog a while back, I’m pretty certain there is no such reality as “purpose“, it is simply a man made concept designed to keep our minds focused on something that doesn’t involve any form of rebellion. So perhaps purpose doesn’t suit me, perhaps “different” suits me.

With this in mind, I’ve been mapping out each road in my distinctly annoying mind, and deciding which of those possibly roads is likely to cause the greatest incalculable source of happiness on my inner hedonistic calculus, if I were to take that specific road. At first, I thought of a month around Europe; hostels, new people, new places, on my own with no one else to worry about. Then, came the idea of a Far East week. A week exploring the seemingly perfect and tranquil setting of Halong Bay in North East Vietnam; a different World to the one I’m struggling to understand here in England. The Communist Revolutionary Ho Chi Minh once said of Halong Bay; “It is the wonder that one cannot impart to others“. And whilst I’d give my right arm to spend a week within a wonder that “one cannot impart to others“, it would only be a holiday, it would offer nothing of substance, and spiritually, would appear to be slightly pointless.

So, I’m currently saving every last penny of my punitive income to do what I should have done years ago; Volunteer work abroad. gapyearforgrownups.co.uk offers some magnificent opportunities. From orphanage volunteering, to natural conservation work. There is something for everyone. Costs are the problem. The program I’m currently considering deeper than the others, is called the “Tanzania Reach Out to Children” project, in which volunteers help with the education and development of Tanzania’s orphaned and disadvantaged children. Nursery and day care centres, and primary to secondary education. A four week program, costs £879. That price doesn’t include flights or travel insurance or the £115 Class C Permit Visa, or the £25 tourist visa. Costs start mounting. Flights to Dar es Salaam from Birmingham, come in at £650 at least. It’s a hugely costly program, but I’m certain I can do it. It’s almost a dream job, because it involves helping those who need it most, and so is satisfying by definition; as opposed to making money for the pretentious rich ignorant self important idiots in suits that I usually waste my time demoralised for. This, is the only rewarding aspect of life I can possibly think worthy of my time and effort.

So, this is my new goal! I feel ridiculously better about myself today, for even having a goal. But then (and here’s that little annoying mad man in the back of my mind again, Sylvia Plath’s mirror haunting me constantly), surely my motives are all wrong? Surely my motive is self gratification and a need to create a sense of spiritual bliss, rather than a genuine need to help those who require assistance the most, even though I do feel and always have felt a distinct sympathy for the less fortunate peoples of the World (hence why I’d never bring myself to vote Conservative). It’s a tricky predicament. Do motives even matter, if someone who needs help is being helped? Hmmm. Either way, this is my new goal, and I’m going to do it. I have decided that when I do it, I will take my camera, and document it, as my own personal Photography side project, because I’ve given up recently on my Photography, and I really should start up again. This, is the perfect opportunity. I intend to show, through my Photographs, that despite the claims of the ridiculous Right Wing, humanity is not intrinsically selfish, and that the forgotten regions of the World need all the support they can get. It’s an idea I’ll keep thinking about and evolving, as time goes on. Especially as I’m embarking on a Journalism degree this coming September. It all makes perfect sense.

Go team Jamie!

ARGH!

“I was spread out daily
and examined for flaws.”
- Anne Sexton

Moan moan moan, fucking moan, is all i’m doing lately. But, people don’t have to read it if they don’t want to. This is why I’d rather write, than talk to people, because talking face to face forces someone to listen, and that’s not fair on anyone. I’d rather just depress the internet.

I’m really really really really really not in a happy place, with myself (as i’m sure you’ve figured out, if you’re a regular reader). And yet, It still isn’t depression, because I do love life. But, my eyes turn inwards and examine myself, like Anne Sexton describes. There is a large empty space that rages away inside me, and I don’t know how to block it. As ineffable as it seemingly is, I need these blogs, to try to express it the best way I can. It’s haunting for me, because it never ends. I’ve been fine these past few days, ignorant to the little mad idiot inside my mind, incessantly poking away at the normality. But today, I ACTUALLY want to scream. I wake up, wanting to scream at myself. My heart rate is through the roof, my mind is a mess. I don’t want pity, or someone saying “you’re just going through a phase”, I just want some fucker to listen!

I’m sick of everything. I’m sick of particular friends. I’m sick of how routine everything in life is. I’m sick of people and the games they play. I’m sick of wondering if I’m being manipulated. I’m sick of shouting and not being heard. I’m sick of listening. I’m sick of self important businessmen cunts. I’m sick of being the ‘confident’ one. I’m sick of love. I’m sick of feeling alone. I’m sick of using sex as a way to relax myself. I’m sick of fat mums yelling at their kids in Tesco. I’m sick of road rage. I’m sick of feeling like I’m being messed around or used. I’m sick of people telling me how much they drank on Saturday night, as if I’m expected to start drafting a certificate of achievement for them. I’m sick of background noise. I’m sick of you smiling. I’m sick of happy laughs. I’m sick of fatuous conversations. I’m sick of Leicester. In fact I’m sick of England, every city is the same, the people are clones of the other half of the Country. I’m sick of crap jobs that you spend six hours slaving at, getting intimidating glares from the boss and his indelibly upper class ignorant friends, and leave with less than £30. I’m sick of the same faces. I’m sick of walking down the same stairs. I’m sick of saying the same shit and feeling completely unable to be myself around ANYONE. I’m sick of the mindless violent idiots, threats and the pointless arguments people have. I’m sick of everything. I need someone to just sit me down and say “right, fucking well talk, NOW”.

There have been a couple of instances, that have driven me slightly mad today. A couple of days ago, my grandfather had a big heart attack. He’s fine now, he coped well. He and my grandmother are both in their mid 80s and have had a few heart attacks between them. They have been married for 53 years. He fought through the war, and came home to her. They were together, before the World had even heard of Elvis. That, amazes me. My grandfather dotes on her, it’s incredible to see, after over half a century, a bond could be so strong. He worries constantly about her. When she had a heart attack not long ago, you could see how badly he took it. He was clearly incredibly frightened. Those two, should never be without each other. When that’s how life is, nothing else matters. The negativities, the fucking idiots that plague life, do not matter. It isn’t just a person I’d quite like to feel that attachment too, it’s anything in life. And I don’t. I have an emptiness that no one or nothing has ever been able to fill, and I hate it. The light at the end of the tunnel, is forever dimming.

I’m intensely aware that when I’m in a relationship, I’m kept somewhat sane by the personality of my partner. It’s a grounding affect, I’m always in need of attention and reassurance, and I’m desperate to feel wanted and important to someone, which explains why when I’m single, I become a bit of a whore. However, at the same time, when I am single, I start to look at myself differently, and balance on a thin line between sanity and complete madness, but the madness is like another overly loquacious person, separate from the rational mind, it’s feckless and constantly at conflict with the rational mind. It’s like a civil war in my head. Some days are quiet, others become a bloody battle for superiority, and the madness is prevailing luxuriantly today. But it’s not real madness. It’s simply mad, in comparison to everyone else. Unless everyone else does in fact think in the same way as me, and I’m just not aware of it.

I’d quite like to just pack up, and escape to nowhere. Not tell anyone. No goodbyes. Just go. But then, I’d have to give up University, which starts in September. And so, I’m looking at this practically. Perhaps if I start to save a little money now, by the time I reach the end of my first year at University, I will have enough to just take off, and spend the summer in nowhere land, with no one familiar other than myself.
My list of destinations I’d quite like to explore, alone…
Rome (again)
Selous
Pu Tuo Shan
Paris
The Inca Trail
Mount Tai Shan
Venice
North Pagai
Côtes de Duras
Milan
Florence
Halong Bay
I may incorporate that list, into what is important in life. An overly optimistic list, ticking off each one, like a shopping list. But, that takes money, which means a career. Which invariably means choosing a career. Which, I just cannot do! Skegness or nowhere….
ARGH!

Therefore, there is no God/free will…

I’m wondering if a Christian could clear up the following question that I can’t seem to be able to reconcile.
Let’s start with the basic premise of Western Religious thought. A supreme being – God – is omniscient, he knows all, infinitely. He transcends time, he is looking in at the whole of time from outside of time. There is literally nothing that this being does not know. He can predict the future, perfectly. It will always be right. Because, if there were even a slight subject he did not know perfectly, he therefore wouldn’t be omniscient, and therefore wouldn’t be “supreme“. He sees all, he knows all. There is no limit. Nothing can surprise him, nothing is new, nothing can possibly happen that he doesn’t already know is going to happen. He sees tomorrow, yesterday and today as now. There is no concept of last year, or next month to this God. All of time, is one.

The idea of a being that is the height of all perfection (at least, what we as humans comprehend as perfection within our limited scope) that transcends time, an Aristotle-esque prime mover, who seemingly has all of time laid out in front of him, like a photo; The left hand side of which is the absolute beginning of time, the right hand side being the end of time, poses the ultimate predicament for the religious notion of Free Will. It would appear solely incompatible with an omniscient God.

Free Will, comes from Genesis, in which Adam and Eve are given the choice of whether to eat from the tree of forbidden fruit or not. Seemingly, they eat from the tree and God, who has forbidden it, but not prevented it physically, casts the two original sinners out of Paradise and thus punishes humanity for the rest of eternity.

It follows then that free will existed for God, at the very beginning of everything. But since then, everything has been predetermined. A chain of events leads into a chain of events, and the chain never ends. It is true that every decision you make, could have had numerous choices, but by suggesting that God is omniscient, he already knows what choice you are going to make for a given decision. You cannot change it. I was always destined to sit in my chain and write this. The choice not to write it was there, but it was predetermined that I would.

And so the question that has to be asked is; how can humanity be punished in the afterlife in hell if our sins have already been predetermined? If we are not in control of our actions, if we cannot change what we are destined to do, if God knows that I am an unbeliever, then how I can be punished for that? I had no choice. I was made this way. On his picture of the whole of time, the chain of cause and affect that he began with his own free will at the moment of all creation, lead to my eventual birth, my surroundings, the books I read, which then took my to school and to college, and so on. I had no choice. He knew it was going to happen. I cannot force myself to be different than what has already been determined that I will be. In the same way that I cannot change my decisions in the past, there is no possible way I can change the decisions I’m going to make in the future, and so therefore, if the omniscient God of Western Religions exists, freewill cannot exist. (I say western Religion, because I’m not all that knowledgeable on Eastern religion, although I am aware that the Philosophy of Samkhya teaches that there is no possible way that the soul can control the unfolding of time).

It then follows that responsibility for my actions, cannot possibly lie with me, if free will does not exist. My mind works in the way it works, because it was determined, by the creator, that this is how I’d be. I cannot possibly be held accountable for any of my actions. To be ultimately responsible for every action we perform, we must have to be 100% responsible for what we are. And since the only being that is 100% responsible for what he is, is God, the rest of us are simply victims of the chain of cause and affect that he started. The future is determined, by the past. This is why, when people tell me that poverty and war is man made, not God made, I wonder what kind of God he really is. To be ignorant to what mankind would become, God cannot possibly be transcendent of time, nor can he be omniscient, which means he isn’t perfect, which means he isn’t the supreme being, which means therefore there cannot be a supreme being, unless that supreme being knew that poverty and war and rape and murder would ensue, in which case, that supreme being is not all loving.

There is one more problem with the concept of free will, and the concept of an all knowing, all seeing, all powerful God.
Buddha once stated “There is free action, there is retribution“. This, is much in line with Western thought, in that it makes no sense to me. How can we possibly be free, if we have the fear of punishment or the incentive of reward? If I tell my child that if he isn’t home by 8pm, i’m going to cook his head in the oven (hell) but if he is home by 8pm, I’ll buy him a Playstation, chances are he’s going to be home by 8pm. When there exists incentives, the balance is tipped in favour of one of the choices that could be made. Luckily, the Buddhists don’t take the words of Buddha on free will as gospel, given that their concept of Pratītyasamutpāda teaches the notion of cause and affect and the web that it creates around us, owing to our decisions. Strict determinism.

Usually, I’d take any existentialist Philosophy quite seriously, but Søren Kierkegaard (and all credit to him for this) tries to reconcile free will with a predetermined existence in quite an illogical way. He suggests that because God is the perfect Good, he would create humans who were totally independent because; “the greatest good … which can be done for a being, greater than anything else that one can do for it, is to be truly free.” It is supremely debatable that creating humanity with utter freedom is the “greatest good” given just how evil some acts of humanity were and are. Kierkegaard also doesn’t answer the question of a transcendent God. Because even if God had given us all the freedom of independence from his nature, he is still able to see what is going to happen, because he transcends time.

Either we have Free Will and God doesn’t exist in the traditional Christian sense, or God exists and we have no free will, but then heaven and hell cannot possibly logically exist, and no judgement day and so the Bible is deeply flawed.