The Christian War on Secularism

“But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”
- Thomas Jefferson.

Every year, Right Winged Christians over the pond stir up an imaginary shit storm, by imagining that Atheist Godless moral-less heathens wish to see the total destruction of Christmas. It is what we Atheists do. We burn Christmas trees…. after we’ve eaten a baby…. and worshipped Satan for the day. They are angry if we say “Holidays” instead of “Christmas”. They are mad that we even celebrate Christmas at all. As if it is a holiday for Christians only. Christians are excellent at rewriting history, to suit themselves.

Christmas changes. The celebratory atmosphere around this time of year, was not a product of Christianity. It is now a glorious mix of Christianity, Paganism, and Secularism. This mix, is Christmas. We can all call it Christmas, and we can all celebrate Christmas. People from all different faiths and backgrounds celebrate it, because it is a time for family. Christmas has a mix of histories; those include pagan, Christian, and secular. Belief in the birth of Jesus isn’t necessary to celebrate or enjoy Christmas. It is similar to Christians adopting the day, from the Pagans. Gift giving, family feasts, and parties on December 25th existed in Babylon long before Jesus, as the celebration of the feast of the son of Isis. Kissing under mistletoe, is a Northern European Pagan tradition, considered a fertility ritual during “Yule” – a festival dedicated to Mithras (coincidentally, Mithras had twelve disciples, was born on Dec. 25th, rose three days after being buried in a tomb, believed in a final judgement, and his followers baptised, and had Eurcharist). Decorating, and Christmas tree’s existed in many different Pagan festivals. Christianity simply appropriated much of the traditions of Paganism, after pressure from the Romans. Christmas therefore evolves. It started Pagan, Christianity took it on (and really, didn’t add much to the pot), and now it is secular as well as Christian. It is a lovely melting pot, and everyone enjoys the day for what it is. We Atheists don’t want to get rid of it. We have no problem with Christians celebrating the birth of Jesus. We however, celebrate for sentimental reasons; for family tradition and the joy that Christmas uniquely brings. And that’s allowed, whether Christians like it or not. Apparently some don’t….

The only ‘war’ on Christmas, is from those who wish to ensure that Christmas is not celebrated by anyone other than the narrow band of fundamentalist Christians who believe it is “their” holiday. It is an attack on every other interpretation of the holiday. It is a denial of history; that being Christmas traditions take more from Pagan festivals than they do from Christianity. Also….. spending four hours shopping for shit no one needs, followed by an hour singing Silent Night in Church…… is not the Christian spirit of Christmas.

Here is what Atheists don’t do.

We do not call for boycotts against private businesses, purely because they believe something different to us.
Allow me to tell you what the ‘war on christmas’ actually amounts to:
Walgreens has agreed to label all its Christmas decorations “Christmas” as opposed to “holiday decorations” or just “decorations”. Mad Christians who need constant reassurance that their religion is considered the most important system of belief (or….philosophy as Bill O’Reilly amusingly calls it) from about mid-October onwards, will be over joyed!

But Christian groups go one step further. Not only do they demand Federal recognition and validation of their religious convictions everywhere they go……. they also wish to impose this on the private property of others also. The American Family Association issued a sort of fatwa against The Gap and Banana Republic…. calling for a boycott. Effectively hurting business, thus hurting people who work for those businesses. Threatening, basically. Because, according the AFA:

The boycott is part of our ongoing campaign to encourage businesses, communities and individuals to put Christ back in Christmas. The boycott runs from November 1 through Christmas Day.

For years, Gap has refused to use the word Christmas in its television commercials, newspaper ads and in-store promotions, despite tens of thousands of consumer requests to recognize Christmas and in spite of repeated requests from AFA to do the same.

- Amusingly, it turns out the AFA issued this statement, a few weeks after The Gap’s advert which includes the phrase “GO CHRISTMAS!”
According to the AFA, The Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic are at war with Christmas. Now, not only does the Gap’s Advert feature “GO CHRISTMAS!”, if you type “Christmas” into the Old Navy search engine, you are presented with products that clearly say “Christmas” on them, and have Christmas symbols. In fact, one of the items is labelled “Christmas bodysuit for baby”. If you go onto Banana Republic’s website At the top, you will see “Get it by Christmas!”, just above a massive picture of a Christmas tree, and presents. Type ‘Santa’ into any of the search engines, and a plethora of Christmas products are displayed. The conclusion? The AFA, like Fox, is a mouthpiece for the manipulative Christian Right.

The First Baptist Church of Dallas, in 2010 launched a website designed to allow users to ‘name and shame’ companies who take ‘Christ’ away from the holiday period, in their ads and products. Christians are naturally very talented at forcing their views on others, and silencing dissent, so to harm businesses – small and large – to harm the employees who work at these businesses by shaming them simply for not re-affirming the Christian aspect of Christmas every single second of every day, is no big deal to these horrid little Theocrats.
My position is simply; a business is privately owned. The owner can do with it as he or she wishes. He/she is not under the control of a few fundamentalists trying to ruin his/her livelihood for such a ridiculous reason.

We don’t believe in segregation.
Students and parents at Sullivan High School in Sullivan, Indiana have decided they wish to have a prom in which gay couples are not allowed. One the special education teachers Diana Medley, rather disgustingly said:

“We don’t agree with it (homosexuality), and it’s offensive to us.”

- This bigotry and a belief in apartheid should be offensive to us all. It should be fought at every opportunity. When Christians ask “Why do Atheists keep attacking Christianity”….. it is people like Diana Medley that drive us. Sexuality, as pointed out in a previous entry, has a genetic element. So, exchange the word “homosexuality” for “black” or “people with brown hair” or “women” and you will notice just how bigoted it becomes. Cloaking your bigotry behind outdated myths that have no basis in reality, and are refuted by genetics, does not make you any less of a disgusting human being. You are a bigot. And how does a woman like this get to be a teacher, when a percentage of people who have done nothing to cause her any harm, she finds ‘offensive’? You wouldn’t put a KKK leader in charge of a school in a black community.

We do not say that medical treatment should be prioritised for people who do not believe in a God. Can the same be said for the religious? Well, no.
One study found that a majority of religious people, when asked, would place an Atheist lower down the list of priorities for a kidney transplant, than people who believe.

Atheists do not say that people of belief should be banned from public office. Again, the religious aren’t so much a fan of rights for anyone who isn’t like them:

Arkansas’ Constitution:

1. Atheists disqualified from holding office or testifying as witness.
No person who denies the being of a God shall hold any office in the civil departments of this
State, nor be competent to testify as a witness in any Court.

Maryland Constitution, Article 37:

That no religious test ought ever to be required as a qualification for any office of profit or trust in this State, other than a declaration of belief in the existence of God; nor shall the Legislature prescribe any other oath of office than the oath prescribed by this Constitution.

Mississippi Constitution, Article 14, Section 265:

No person who denies the existence of a Supreme Being shall hold any office in this State.

South Carolina Constitution, Article 17, Section 4:

No person who denies the existence of a Supreme Being shall hold any office under this Constitution.

Tennessee Constitution, Article 9, Section 2:

No person who denies the being of God, or a future state of rewards and punishments, shall hold any office in the civil department of this State.

Texas Constitution, Article 1, Section 4:

No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State; nor shall any one be excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments, provided he acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being.

Atheists do not claim that those who believe in a God, are not fit for public office. Again, not so when it is the other way round.
When Asheville City Councilman Cecil Bothwell declared that he does not believe in a God, the Christian Right of North Carolina took great offence. H.K. Edgerton, a board member for the Southern Legal Resource Center – an organisation that apparently stands to protect the rights of all, threatened to file a law suit against Bothwell, claiming he is unfit to serve, and his appointment violates North Carolina’s anti-Atheist Constitutional provision. Whilst barring an Atheist from public office would certainly be struck down by the Supreme Court as a violation of the Federal Constitution; it doesn’t stop the Christian Right from trying, which often leads to long battles for an Atheist to serve publicly. For example, Herb Silverman ran for the post of Governor of South Carolina in 1992, but was discarded from the race for refusing to swear an oath to God. A whole five years later, the courts ruled in his favour.

We do not punish young children, for thought crime.
In 1996, at the age of 6, Michael Bristor was denied an Honour Roll, because he refused to believe in God. He was ridiculed at school, and it took his parents three years and a legal battle to get the Honour Roll award. When describing his treatment from his clearly fundamentalist teacher, Michael said:

“She gave me time outs for not praying. Kids were calling me a devil worshipper.”

Atheists do not claim that Christians are inherently bad role models.
The Boy Scouts of America, which exists through a Congressional Charter, currently does not allow Atheists to be a part of it. It states:

“The Boy Scouts of America maintains that no member can grow into the best kind of citizen without recognizing an obligation to God. In the first part of the Scout Oath or Promise the member declares, ‘On my honor I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law.’ The recognition of God as the ruling and leading power in the universe and the grateful acknowledgment of His favors and blessings are necessary to the best type of citizenship and are wholesome precepts in the education of the growing members.”

- That final sentence, is a disgrace, and goes against every rational basis for the Constituting of the United States of America. It is a dangerous sentence, it is a Theocratic principle, and it is massively unconstitutional.

Atheists do not enshrine Bronze age ‘moral’ values in law, nor do we wish to restrict an individual’s basic right to love, nor do we wish to place Atheist propaganda all over public buildings and money.
The rewriting of history to suit Christian America is a regular occurrence from the 1950s until the present day. Somehow, it has managed to convince a Nation that “One Nation, under God” was always a part of the Pledge, or that “In God We Trust” always appeared on the dollar bill. Both of which are a product of the rise of the Christian Right in the 1950s. Jefferson and Franklin would have reacted with anger at the inclusion of “One Nation, under God” on any public institution.

The Christian Right are experts at rewriting merging their prejudices with Christianity, and using it to attack the secular nature of the Constitution. Anti-social liberalism is a key ingredient in the making of the Christian Right, and this social liberalism extends to homosexuality. We see the influence of the Christian Right in the passing of the ‘Defence of Marriage Act’ – using ‘defence’ to hide the fact that they are slowly breaking down the barrier between Church and State, slowly eroding individual rights, replacing them with Christian theocratic ‘values’. The ‘Defence of Marriage Act’ states:

“In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word ‘marriage’ means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word ‘spouse’ refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.”

-If this isn’t a restriction of human rights, by a bunch of homophobic anti-constitutional theocrats, I don’t know what is. This is the ultimate in Government power over individual rights. It is a restriction on ‘love’.

Atheists do not care if our children marry someone of faith. As long as they are happy, and in love.
A recent study out of the University of Minnesota found that 47.6% of people polled said they would disapprove if their child married an Atheist.

Christianity isn’t under attack. It has eroded Constitutional secularism; the achievements of the Enlightenment to break the link between the State and Religion, and it isn’t finished. It is like a cancer, slowly making its way across all sections of public life. Schools, public office, science, love. The ‘values’ that they push for, that they insist on forcing upon the rest of society, are vastly incompatible with the Founding documents. Secularists and Atheists have an absolute duty, to resist it, to fight it, and to stand up for the secularism that took so long to achieve. We do not wish to destroy Christmas. I have a Christmas tree. I will be sharing gifts, and celebrating with the family.

So, sit back, and allow Fox to wage a non-existent war myth that it created, in an attempt to boost ratings. And remember, Christmas; which started off as pressure placed on Christians in Rome to join in the Pagan festivities… is for everyone.

Call it Christmas, call it winter festival, call it the holiday season, call it winter solstice, call it anything you wish. The vocabulary is irrelevant. Spend the time loving, smiling, and making memories, whatever your beliefs.

O’Reilly proves the existence of God.

I quite liked this video.
It is disturbing to my sense of rationality, that Bill O’Reilly is one of the most watched men in America. In this video, he proves the existence of God (in the illogical world of Christian America, if nowhere else) by saying the the tide goes in and out.
Just incase the American Right decide my EVIL SOCIALIST ATHEIST agenda is misleading, O’Reilly actually said:

“I’ll tell you why [religion is] not a scam, in my opinion. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the tide goes in.”

It is been quite some years now, since humanity first discovered why the tide goes in and out. We are pretty certain that it isn’t because of a God in a cloud somewhere using a big sea magnet. I am sure I learnt in very early school, that the tide is controlled by the Moon’s orbit.

Bill then goes on the defensive:

You’re calling me a moron.

Yup.
That’d be pretty accurate.
Sadly, I’m sure there are a number of American Christians who sat up during this, and said…
“YAR! That there is one heck of a good case for Jesus, yes sir! He was all like, what about the tides going out and shit, now i’m no racist but that nigra couldn’t god-damn answer him. Fucking Atheists tryna turn my Kids into an-tie Christian, an-tie- Amerkan pro-gay commies”

Perhaps O’Reilly was suggesting that the moon is ideally placed to create a tide. I doubt he was suggesting that, because, that’s not what he actually said. But for arguments sake, let’s say he was suggesting the ideally placed moon. It is only ideally placed, because we exist. There is no design or reason behind it. It is just there. It isn’t “perfectly placed” because we invented the concept of something being perfectly placed, purely because we’re here. It is rather vain of us to decide that the chaotic universe, and the size and scale of it, exists, purely for us. There is no reason, or logic, or cause, or meaning. It stands to reason that if a Moon is at a certain location, and the planet is at a certain location relative to its star, and conditions for life exist, then life will pop into existence. It is just how it is. It does not mean it was designed that way at all.

By measuring the total mass of stars and luminosity in our galaxy alone, there are estimated to be 100 billion stars, plus another estimated 200 million Galaxies. A star is like the Sun, so for every 100 billion stars, let’s say there are roughly 5-10 planets around each one. That would produce around 500 billion planets in our Galaxy alone. Is it not reasonable to suggest that one of those 500 billion might have a Moon placed in a position that has an affect on the liquid of its planet?

How arrogant one must be, to suggest that this was all created for us.

That being said, conditions on Earth are not perfect for human existence. They are adequate to say the very least. We have natural resources that are running out, not enough food to feed the World and billions of people live in abject poverty for their entire lives, on very inhospitable land. A cyclone is currently tearing its way through Queensland in Australia, only a few weeks after Queensland suffered severe flooding on a scale unknown to locals. If the Earth is the creation of God, for the intention of housing man, then God is a little bit incompetent.

We are an insignificant, tiny race of apes, in an unimportant dot on the map of the universe. There is no grand design for this tiny little dot.
Probability is irrelevant. We are surrounded by absolutely no evidence for the existence of God. Saying “yeah, but you can’t disprove the existence of God” is meaningless. If I see a dog, I shouldn’t be expected to accept the possibility that it might be a monkey. Similarly, I have all the evidence for Natural selection, I shouldn’t be expected, when faced with such a plethora of evidence, to say “yeah, but it might be a God.”

Now, O’Reilly then uses a classic logical fallacy. If person X cannot prove their position, then person Y must be right in theirs. O’Reilly suggests that because Silverman was too stunned by O’Reilly’s intense stupidity that he didn’t answer him in the millisecond that O’Reilly allows his guests to actually speak, that he must therefore not be able to answer, and so he presumes he is correct.

O’Reilly then goes on to complain that by saying Religion is a scam and a myth (which it is), American Atheists are insulting Americans. This comes about two minutes before he calls Silverman a “loon“.

O’Reilly would insist he insults no one (except every week, when he refers to someone new, whom he disagrees with, but doesn’t give them the opportunity to argue their case, as a pinhead). Fox News spent most of 2008 attacking President Obama because Obama included non-believers in his inaugural address. The title of the piece just after the President’s speech was “Obama reaches out: addresses Muslims and Atheists in speech“. As if we’re the “other“. As if we, along with the Muslim community are a problem that needs to be addressed. The Fox host (I don’t know his name, but he looks about 12), said:

“It surprised me when I heard it, it made me do a double take.”

Why? Because some people aren’t all absolutely mad Christian Right Wingers? Mike Huckabee on that same show, said that Obama had acknowledged that some people don’t believe in anything….. “but themselves”. So, if I don’t believe in the Christian God, I must be a bit of a narcissist and nothing more. Am I unable to believe in beauty? Do Christians have a monopoly on beauty? When I see something beautiful, must I thank Christians for giving me that sense? Am I unable to believe in love? Must I thank Fox News for how I feel about Ashlee? Without Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly, would I just be raping and murdering my way through life? Fox went on to ask if it was offensive to include a reference to Atheists in the speech. As if we’re non-human. We shouldn’t be recognised. But if we dare question religion……. we’re the ones being offensive. The mad World of Fox News.

Here is O’Reilly again, being insulting toward Atheism. Mocking it. Not logically, with well thought out, reasoned Philosophy; just the ramblings of a mad old hillbilly Christian, who has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about, and is just appealing to his very low-IQ’d viewers. Here, he refers to a sign that was shown by Atheists at Christmas, and says “No God, No Problem; be good for goodness sake” (which is a fantastic and optimistic and not in any way offensive at all; sign) a “dopey sign“. He then says:

“What is it about Christmas they don’t like”.

What a ridiculous question. Atheists aren’t attacking Christmas. We still celebrate Christmas. We don’t celebrate it for the birth of Jesus. I’m convinced he didn’t actually exist. We celebrate it, because it is a time when all our friends and family have time off work at the same time, we share gifts, we have a family meal, and we create memories and stories for our children. It is a small break from a very rushed life. We absolutely love Christmas. O’Reilly is trying to spread fear and hate. O’Reilly then, quite brilliantly says:

“Why do they loathe the Baby Jesus”.

As if we’re all sitting around, throwing darts at a printed picture of the baby Jesus. We get angry when we see the baby Jesus. Some of us can’t control that anger, and we actually vomit.

He then ponders how Atheists sell Atheism by “running down a baby, it’s just a baby”. That’s not what any Atheist has ever done, in the history of the Catholic Church allowing Atheists to exist without being executed for it. Nor is it what the poster is actually saying, or even alludes to. I’m not sure how more manipulative one massive twat could actually be.

Some equally as vacant Fox presenter tells O’Reilly that the sign is a:

“direct and deliberate smear against Christianity”.

In other words, anything that remotely questions a socially prevailing belief system, must be an attack on it. Atheists should all keep quiet, we shouldn’t question, we shouldn’t be allowed to present an alternative. We should accept that homosexuality is a disgrace because the Bible says so, we should accept that abortion doctors deserve to be shot, we should accept that the Pope shouldn’t be brought to trial for covering up child sex abuse, we should just accept that schools in America teach Christianity as fact and evolution as theory, and just ignore it, because the Christians’ point of view is far more valid and reasonable, simply because it is based entirely on tradition; another logical fallacy.

She goes on to say:

“What comes with Christianity are traditional values”

Really? Is that so? And what are those traditional values? Burning witches? Beheading perceived “heretics”? Hanging gay people? Fucking children? For every positive value one can loosely ascribe to Christianity, it is equally as easy to ascribe a pretty direct link between Christianity and shameful violence and corruption.

O’Reilly ends the piece by suggesting that Atheists are just jealous because we have nothing, that Christians have Christmas, and we don’t. He asks “what do they have?” and concludes “nothing”. We have wonderment. We have the understanding that nature is so beautiful and creative itself, without the need for a cruel and angry dictator in the sky. We see the stars and stare in awe at how inspiring it all is. We see a slug and admire how this ugly looking thing is so beautiful because it is as evolved as we are. We have Darwin (Not even the baby Jesus is as great as Darwin). But most importantly, we have fact. To quote the brilliant Douglas Adams:

“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”

I do not accept what Silverman is saying in the first video. He says that he believes people in America only go to Church because their is a social pressure to announce your belief in Christianity, but most people don’t believe it. I’d say that may be true to an extent, but for the sake of O’Reilly thinking Silverman is being insulting, I can go one better and say that those people actually go to Church because they are brainwashed and deluded; uneducated and illogical; unthinking and weak minded.

If O’Reilly thinks Silverman is insulting toward Christianity….. he obviously hasn’t read my blog.

The Christmas Blog

I haven’t blogged recently for a couple of reasons. Firstly, Ash is over for the next month and we’ve been busy in London and shopping. In fact, so busy shopping, that we left the buying of Christmas Day food, until 10pm Christmas Eve…… granted we were in the pub when we should have been shopping for food, but nevertheless, the lack of time is one of the main reasons I haven’t blogged. And secondly, because I don’t particularly have any political opinion at the moment. I still hate the Tories, I still want to shake my head in shame any time a Lib Dem shows his or her miserable Tory-lite face, and I still think Labour are a massive waste of time. There isn’t much more I can say on that.

England is an EDL member’s dream right now.
Totally white.
The snow is immensely irritating.
It takes around about three minutes from my hands and feet to freeze when i’m out side.
Ash loves it.
But that’s because she’s from Australia an oven.
We fly to Paris in two days.
But first, Leicester City vs Leeds at the Walkers Stadium tomorrow!
Is it just me, or is it the older a bloke gets, the more socks he gets for Christmas?
Ten pairs for me this year.
We are cooking the Christmas day starter, for my family.
Stuffed mushrooms and Prawn cocktail.
I say “we are cooking“, I mean “Ash is cooking the stuffed mushrooms, and I bought the prawn cocktail ready made.“
But i’ll sprinkle lemon juice on the prawns!
That makes me a cook, right?
We are enjoying Christmas day.
The celebration of the birth of a man who probably wasn’t actually real.
Annie Lennox was born on Christmas day and she’s definitely real.
We should change the name of Christmas to Lennmas.
I could be consistent with my Atheism and ignore Christmas entirely.
But then i’d miss out on Turkey.
And no amount of Dawkins/Darwin/Hitchens is going to make me miss out on Turkey.
Jesus invented Turkey, 1970s Christmas rock songs and presents.
Dawkins Darwin and Hitchens invented scepticism.
And as much as I adore scepticism….. it doesn’t taste like Turkey.
Or sound like Slade.
Apparently Aussies have never heard Slade, or Wizzard’s Christmas songs.
That both shocks and appals me.
Ash bought me some new boots from Oxford Street.
They’re amazing boots.
I cannot imagine a time when these boots weren’t in my life.
I bought Ash a silver locket, that we can put a picture of us in Paris in, and keep for when we get old.
I’m so romantic.
She’s SO lucky.
So lucky in fact, that this morning I decided to put some USB speakers down her tights whilst she was wearing them, and play Come on Eileen through them.
It was magical.
Ash and I have taken a few photos already.
Here they are:

Merry Christmas!

Pope Ahmadinejad the tampon thief

Homosexuality played a key part in Christmas this year.
Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without the murderous middle eastern tyrant of “wanting to wipe Israel off the map” fame telling us all we should hate gays.
Or the nazi pope telling us all that homosexuality is more damaging than Climate Change. Or, more damaging than an idiot in a hat that very much resembles those worn by the Ku Klux Klan, preaching ancient bigoted bullshit to a bunch of brain washed blinded fellow bigots. The Pope needs to stop directing his anger at ordinary people, and direct it at Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke for metaphorically shitting on the concept of music.
And then of course there was all the gay porn DVDs granny bought me. She says she bought me them, but they were already opened. I suspect they’re the old ones that the family didn’t want any more. I mean, Arse Menace II is so 1999.
Oh and not forgetting the largely ignored fact that Jesus and his twelve disciples were raving homosexuals. Sad times.

Christmas intrigues me. I celebrate it purely for the gifts, the smiles, the family, and of course the food. I care less that it’s the Birth of a man who’s life we know absolutely nothing about (The Bible is not a historical record), than I do for the fact that December 25th is also Dido’s birthday. I genuinely love Christmas, because the mundanity of life becomes amplified and those little pleasures you find in the simple, seem to grow ever so large.

As i’m searching “Boots” on the 23rd, waiting to buy even more last minute cheap gifts, wondering if I could peel the price tag off without ripping the packaging, I don’t want people to know i’ve spent only £2 on them………. even that’s a lie….. it was £1.40, with the VAT cut and the Sale discount. I notice a kid acting suspiciously. He suddenly makes a sprint for the doors. It’s amazing because it’s the first time i’ve ever seen a chav in sports clothes, actually doing an activity other than cider drinking. As he ran for the door the security guard grabbed him. He’d tried to steal two boxes of…… Tampons. I had two questions at this point. 1) What does he need tampons for? Is his arse bleeding? Is that why he made a break for the door, he needed to get home to “plug it in?” and 2) Is he buying those for someone else? A christmas present perhaps? How pissed off would you be if your boyfriend wrapped up some Tampons for you at Christmas? Nonetheless, it was a beautiful moment made all the more beautiful by the fact that the security guard pulling the tampons away from him, was an angry woman. Is there anything more poetic in life than that?

I was standing in the queue at “Boots”, waiting to pay, when out of nowhere I heard the most paradoxical conversation ever spoken by man. It was a disaster of a conversation but oh so beautiful and Melliflous a conversation that when I recount it to you in a second, I will have to end this blog at that point, because I am unable to find the words that can properly emphasise my indelible joy.
So prepare yourselves….

Old man 1 : Ello Dave!
Old man 2 : Oh ello Kev, how you been?
Old man 1 : Yeah not bad, how you been?
Old man 2 : I’ve been top class mate, how’s Edith fairing up these days?
Old man 1 : She….she died.
Old man 2 : Oh Kev I am sorry………………………………………. looking forward to christmas?

The perils of shopping

Let’s push to one side that fact that I left the house today without a belt on, and so kept having to stop my jeans falling down every 30 seconds whilst walking aimlessly through town searching for Christmas presents that because VAT cut has struck, means when I thought i’m spending £20, i’m actually spending a little less than £19.99. Not only did I save money, 35p altogether!!! I also managed to prevent my trousers falling down, which would have exposed what I like to call my “pride” to the World. Which in turn, would have caused women everywhere to faint in awe. Spawning a wave of Women to leave their partners in the hope of bedding me…………… IT MIGHT HAPPEN!!!!……. maybe……..

Let’s also push aside the fact that I took an incredibly huge gulp of Pepsi from my bottle, and at the exact same time, looked directly into the Sun (not the paper, i’d rather drink my own piss than read that) which caused my eyes to water, prompting a very nice old lady to put her caring hand on my shoulder, and say “are you ok my dear?” As if I’d broken down in the middle of Leicester town centre. To be fair, if there’s ever a place that pushes you to the brink of a breakdown, it’s Leicester.

And finally, let’s push even further aside the fact that when I paid the bus driver the bus fare, instead of saying “cheers”, I rather disturbingly, given my sense of pride in my vocabulary, said “cheese”. Who the fuck, mistakes “cheers” for “cheese”. On a full bus too. Everyone heard. I’m so ashamed.

Amusingly, I saw a bus, with a sign on the back featuring a citizen with a speed gun, encouraging the public to join http://www.bealocalhero.com, I think they were known as the Gestapo in Nazi Germany. Report a Jew. Same concept. Clearly http://www.bealocalcunt.com was taken. Clearly asking the public to help tackle real problems, such as Corporate Greed that has lead to the biggest economic disaster in history, leaving millions unemployed, and destroying lives, is not as important as catching someone driving 34mph in a 30mph zone. The thing that got me, is that our car was travelling at 30mph, the speed limit, whilst the bus with this sign on, over took us. How ironic.

Apart from that, I had quite a successful Christmas shopping trip.
Cheese for reading.

The old oak tree

“The only thing that can save the world is the reclaiming of the awareness of the world. “ - Allen Ginsberg

An old, forlorn, hunched over, gigantic oak tree stands in the middle of a field void of any interest from passers by, as they stand glaring in amazement at the speed boats on the adjoining lake twenty yards in front of the tree. It screams “admire me” and nothing but the birds who make it their home took notice.
I always felt sorry for the tree.
I actually feel sorry for the lake. It isn’t the lake that people notice. It’s the man made machinery on that lake. And yet, the beauty lies in the lake itself.

As a child, i’d be taken to this lake for picnics. We’d sit and we’d eat, we’d talk and we’d laugh. We’d play games and we’d run wild for a brief time. We’d be told “cherish this, these are the best days of your life” and we’d ignore it as if the adults just like to use phrases like that for the sake of language.

The only people who tended to take notice of the old oak tree, were the children. They had very little interest in the incredible feats of engineering currently speeding across the Water. Their interest, was in that tree, that naturally made tree, that ragged old tree. The fascination was beautiful in itself. When the childish imagination creates a World out of that single tree, you could offer the child a million Aston Martin’s and he’d ignore you.

The children would run around it, they would use it as a goal post, they’d hide behind it, they’d spend endless hours deciding between them which way would be the easiest to climb it. All the while, completely ignoring the speed boats, or the beautiful new cars driving into the car park that the adults all but masturbated furiously over.
To those children, that tree was a source of the most beautiful and pure entertainment.

The tree always looked different and as a child, I never understood why. The seasons would change it’s beauty but my awe in it’s beauty innocently remained nonetheless. One day it’d be covered in green leaves, like it had a full head of hair, shaking wildly in the breeze. Next time it’d have bright red leaves, as if flames gripped the branches tightly. Next time, the tree would be bare but the ground underneath would be covered in the same red leaves, i’d want to run through it, kicking them. It didn’t matter what time of year it was, the tree provided entertainment to a child that the material World just couldn’t match up to.

My point is, that no matter how advanced human technology gets, no matter how entwined in materialism the human mind becomes, no man made entity could ever match the simplistic beauty found in the freedom of the natural. We all watch if a deer runs across an open field. We all want to sit on a beach, with the powerful rolling of the ocean in front of us. We all want snow to fall on Christmas day. And yet, we take this natural habitat, unowned by any private company, for granted. There is no time to admire nature. We have to get to work. There is no time to admire the beautiful, or use our adult imaginations to create an entire World out of a single old forlorn hunched over gigantic oak tree. The child is more in touch with the Planet. I want to reclaim this amazement at the simplistic, as an adult.

The Jesus before Jesus

The Cult of Mithras dates back to around 1400bc, in Ancient India. The Romans then picked up on it after travelling home from Persia during the reign of Nero, and suddenly this new cult in Western Civilisation was born.

According to Roman tradition, in the Chambers Encyclopedia, Mithras’ birthday was the most important of all festivals surrounding him. His birthday was said to have been celebrated on December 25th. The birthday of Jesus, which we have no way of knowing, was decided upon as the 25th of December, by Emperor Constantine, in 313ad, 313 years after Jesus was born.

On December 25th, Mithras followers celebrated “The birth of the Sun”. The importance surrounding Mithras is better known today than it’s ever been. He was said to be able to perform miracles, he was a great teacher, had many followers including twelve disciples and of course, was named “the lamb of God.” When Mithras died, his “rising” three days after his burial was celebrated throughout Rome and Persia.

Franz Cumont, Professor at the University of Ghent, once wrote about Mithras: “The sectaries of the Persian god, like the Christians’, purified themselves by baptism, received by a species of confirmation the power necessary to combat the spirit of evil; and expected from a Lord’s supper salvation of body and soul..”

Within the Church of Mithras itself, the followers baptised each other, created a hierarchy, and had the Eucharist.
Within Rome, a picture relic, showing the young Mithras on the knee of his virgin mother whilst three Persian Magi offer gifts to the “sun of God” stood for all to see. Just to remind those who worship Mithras that when they died, Mithras would be there, casting judgement on their souls.

So to sum up, Mithras was….
Called “The sun of God”.
Born of a Virgin mother.
Had three people bring gifts to his birth.
Had twelve disciples.
Born on December 25th.
Died and then rose again three days later.
Hated the idea of Abortion but just LOVED the idea that everyone should have a gun (ok, I made that bit up).

His followers…..
Would baptise themselves.
Believed in a final judgement.
Celebrated the Eucharist.
Had a big festival on December 25th.

Now, I don’t know about you, but it all seems very familiar.