Jamie v The IRS

The IRS shouted at me today.
I’m English, they don’t have any jurisdiction over me, but they shouted.
The most Southern American voice I think i’ve ever heard, came across the phone, with a banjo playing in the background, to talk to me about an EIN number. I recently sold a photo to an American publishing company in Massachusetts for use in a college book over there. I was required to fill out a form, which then required me to fill out another form; the later form is for an EIN number. I now have an EIN number and still don’t know what an EIN number is.
Anyway, the IRS shouted at me.

Jefferson Davis at the IRS: “What is the name of your business?”
Me, in a tiny bedroom in England: “I don’t have a business. I want to sell a photo.”
IRS: “Okay Sir, is your business within the United States of America?”
Me: “I don’t have a business. I’m in England.”
IRS: “Are you the sole proprietor?”
Me: “I took the photo, on my own.”
IRS: “Do you own the business?”
Me: “Erm…….yes? The photo is mine?”
IRS: “What time of year do you do your Business’s accounts?”
Me: “I don’t. I don’t have a business. I don’t have accounts. I have £3.80 in my wallet. I might check that again later. So put down “May 18th 2011“.
IRS: “(sarcastically)Funny guy. What is the name of the business you require the EIN for?”
Me: “20th Century Fox.”
IRS: “That’s not funny Sir.”
Me: “Neither was Two and a Half Men, yet you felt the need to force that on us”
IRS: (In a loud voice) “You are wasting your time and our time. We have to deal with thousands of calls every day, important calls….”
Me: “I …..just….. want….. to ……. sell…… a …… photo. Just one. I am not a business. I don’t own any business. I have very little money. But I have this photo, that will make me some money, and in a few years time, I might start a business, and then i’ll call you back and tell you that i’ve definitely started a business. But I just now want to sell a photo.”

Eventually, he shut the fuck up, stopped asking me what business I represent, and listened to the facts. Two minutes later, he gave me the number I needed. I don’t know if I filled out the questions correctly, I don’t know if he has all the details he needs, I don’t know if the FBI are going to kick my door in and throw me in a cell with Bernie Madoff. I am worried I could be responsible for the next financial crash. I don’t want my name to be spoken in the same sentence as Enron. What if I don’t check my wallet at some point today? Am I committing financial fraud? Have I lied to the IRS? I might not check it on purpose, to be rebellious. Fuck the system and all that. This could be disastrous.

Seriously though, Two and a half men isn’t funny.

I got angry

To the angry abusive intimidating bell end who shouted at me at my work tonight, for no fucking reason whatsoever; I hope you get AIDs and die. Slowly. I hope it hurts. I hope whilst it hurts, you accidentally get your scrotum caught in the mouth of a rabid rotweiler, and you contract rabies and then get your face raped on your way home by John Leslie, crying because you now have AIDs and Rabies and John Leslie’s unwashed cock in your face. And then I hope you fall and graze your knee, because grazed knees are the worst. I wish the very worst on you. You deserve the very worst.

“DO WHAT I SAY and don’t fucking argue with your fucking clients!!”

Don’t argue with your clients? Who made that rule? What if your clients are clearly trying to intimidate as many members of staff as possible, in the hope they will get free food and drink as some sort of apology for not being up to your level of satisfaction when you make up your own rules for the entire place? I will argue with you; I will absolutely argue with you. I wont be the one to back down to your nasty little games, you real life lump of unflushable, irritatingly relentless shit. Irritating relentlessly unflushable shit, regardless of if you put it in an expensive business suit; is still irritating, and it’s still shit, and you still wish it didn’t exist.

Oh and whilst you’re busy being an utter shit, it might do you pretty good, if you shaved the bit of hair that joins your eyebrows together. When you’re angry, and have only one eyebrow, it’s very difficult not to point at it and laugh when it moves up and down, because it looks like a hamster is fucking your face.

The fact that you exist, stealing oxygen from the rest of us, makes me want to vomit. And poo. Vomit and poo at the same time. That is an affect not many people have on me. You managed to achieve it within seconds of opening your arsehole (I was unable to distinguish your mouth from your arsehole. Seemingly both omit excrement).

Rant over.

Hate Jamie

I am pleased to announce that I have influenced someone enough, to send me a very touching email. He sought out my email address, and spent time crafting an extremely coherent and well thought out message, to which as you will see, I gratefully replied. (Click the image, to get the full view)

Following this, I then got this beautiful reply:

Instead of accepting my sexual invitation to “comprehend my islam” (admit it, you’d be proud too if you’d managed to create an innuendo out of comprehending a religion), he felt it necessary to tell me he was fucking my mother. Which is odd, because at the time of receiving this email, my mother was actually watching Eastenders. The BBC was fucking my mother, out of her licence fee contribution. Although, he does end the sentence with ‘not’, which I presume meant ‘now’. The T and W are far enough away from each other on the keyboard to suggest you’d have to be one chunky fingered illiterate nob end, to hit the wrong one. Unless of course, he genuinely meant ‘not’, in which case, the entire point of this email was to tell me that he wasn’t fucking my mother. Which is a relief. I don’t receive enough emails from people telling me they aren’t fucking a member of my family. It leaves me very paranoid. I end up thinking “Why is that man not approaching me to tell me he isn’t fucking my nan? He must be fucking my nan”. So I’d like to thank the sender of this emailing triumph, for taking the time out to reassure me that he is not in fact, having sex with my mother.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed my first hate mail.
Yours sincerely,
Beaner fuck x

The Daily Fail

The majority of us know that too much reading of the Daily Mail causes death by stupidity, because the majority of us know that the Daily Mail is a paper for idiots. Right winged angry old men who dislike anyone who isn’t like them. The syphoning off of every problem the UK has, on immigrants is beyond a joke now. It attempts to create anger and fear that really isn’t warranted. Those defending the Mail will claim it is no more bias, ridiculous and right winged as the Guardian is left winged and ridiculous. Laughable. And here’s why.

The Daily Mail over the years, between blaming everything on muslims, has attempted to tell us all that pretty much everything on the face of the planet, from hard objects, to abstract concepts like fatherhood cause cancer. Here’s a list of my favourite items and concepts that The Daily Mail has claimed causes cancer, and why the Daily Mail is the most manipulative paper, aimed at the most stupid members of the public……

Women who are 30 and pregnant
Working
Retirement
Fat babies
Aussies hanging the washing out
Being a black woman
Being a woman
Being a man
Blow jobs
Candle lit dinners
Having kids
Not having kids
Warm weather
Cold weather
Having a dog
Being tall
Hugging your dad
Having a big head
Being fat
Being thin
Shaving

I rest my case.

Republican Day III

Now, I could just about cope with the BIG INFLATED SOCIALIST state en acting laws preventing me from stoning my dad, for working on the Sabbath, clearly going against the Bible and Exodus 35:2. I was even able to cope with the fact that the Commie Atheist law tells me that whether my slave dies today, or in two days time, it’s still punishable, even though the rightful word of my loving God tells me in Exodus 21:20-21 that if he dies in two days time, it’s okay and that I shouldn’t be punished (did you know, that the State in it’s increasing attempts to block my religious freedom, have ACTUALLY banned slavery? It’s outrageous. What next, a ban on laughing except for black people and gays?).

However, I cannot quite believe what i’m hearing, when a friend informed me that Gayowa, ConnetiAIDS, Bummingchusettes And Homont aren’t the only States to be allowing those who want to give AIDs to my children, to get married. New York, New Jersey, New Hampshire, and Maine (notice they’re all in Satan’s part of the U.S.OF Awesome) are all expected to vote in favour of the homogays very soon.

In 2006, the greatest President the USAwesome has ever known, George W Bush (Whose first name, begins with the same letter as God’s. Coincidence?) called for a Constitutional Amendment banning same sex marriage. He said quite beautifully, and tolerantly that “A constitutional amendment will put a decision that is critical to American families and American society“. And he’s right!!! American Heterosexual families in Gayowa are now victims. They can’t go outside without men in pink shorts and leather BDSM clothing chasing them with their cocks out and the butt flap on their shorts wide open, forcing them to listen to George Michael. Is this what you want America? You want your children exposed to this?

It’s just unnatural. So horribly unnatural. Nothing about homogay marriage is natural. But my belief in a man who was born to a Virgin, who was visited by three men who followed the words of an angel, and who grew up to perform miracles, was crucified but rose from the dead, walked around for a few days and then flew up to a bearded man in the sky (Who by the way, supported the election of John McCain in 2008….. which means Democrat voters are going to hell)… will allow me to beat those unnatural bastards.

By allowing Homofags to get married, the U.S Senate is undermining the marriage between man and woman. Before the queers were allowed to marry, no men or women ever got divorced. FACT. Britney Spears would not have felt forced into marrying a man for twenty four hours. FACT. Anti-gay Republicans like Richard Curtis would not have accidentally fallen on top of a man in a hotel room whilst they both just happened to be naked (there clothes were stolen by gay democrats!!) and then dressed up like a woman. FACT! And Fox News’s (the only fair and impartial news channel in the World) Sean Hannity would not have been FORCED by the Gays to pose with hookers even though he’s married. FACT!

This is all part of the Gay agenda, designed to destroy heterosexual marriage eventually. Did you know for example, that every time a gay couple marry, a heterosexual couple have to divorce. Heterosexual people are being forced to give up their Religious principles based on Jesus spending a lot of intimate time with twelve male disciples, in order to accept that gayism as anything but a disgusting child abusing aids spreading society killer.

Well I for one wont let it happen any more. And i’m not the only one! Over at the insightful and fully FACT based freedom loving website Americans for Truth have opened my eyes to the truth. They are the “leading resource for exposing and countering the homosexual activist agenda. ” And that’s exactly what it is! An agenda! A Satanist agenda at that. Heterosexuals have no agenda. We just want to be able to get married, whilst oppressing preventing those who engage in sexual acts that we deem inappropriate. (and for those of you who say that truth is subjective…. erm… WAKE UP! ….. The Bible says otherwise…. take that Liberals!!).
They highlight an email they received from a liberal Christian (which is just another way of saying “working undercover for Satan)…

“Grow the [f–k] up. My god your an [a–shole]. I can see that look on your balding head. Probably in the closet all these years trying to deny your mysioginistic [sic] way. God can\’t save you from the [f–cking] miserable choices you make in interpretating his rules as literal, not figurative mesaages [sic] on ways to live your life. I went to sunday school for half of my life – I should know. The name of this site should not be Americans for Truth, but Americans for Lies. People do not force themselves to like other people, amd [sic] only a thickheaded person like you deserves to rot in the depths of hell if there is such a place. Another good name for this site would be mainly [yourana–hole.com]. Perfectly suits you afterall.”

First of all, Satan worshipper, bald men can use their heads to absorb more of God’s light. So what do you have to say now? He then appears to suggest that the word of God is up for interpretation. Which it isn’t. It clearly states that Gays are an abomination. Notice he refers to the “A-hole” a couple of times? Do you know why that is? That’s right, it’s because he loves men. He seems to be suggesting that “Americans for Truth” are picking and choosing what they wish to take literally from the Bible. Which is false again!!! Because I happen to know for certain, that their new website, entitled “Americans for giving AIDs to Atheists” is going to be a massive hit! It’s based purely on Exodus 15:26, which clearly states that if you disobey God, you should be punished with horrible disease. To be fair though, it’s only a matter of time before they get AIDs anyway, given that they’re all gay anyway.

The gay days are numbered! Republicans are going to kick ass!

Republican Jamie Day II

Oh very funny Liberals.
That’s all you Liberals are isn’t it? Joke after joke. Never serious! Well was Jesus funny? NO! Is it funny that Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian? NO! Was it funny when George Bush was hit with a shoe? NO! Is Glen Beck funny? NO! I don’t need to be funny. We Republicans don’t need humour. Humour is for Socialists.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the passage in the Book of ultimate Truth:
“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.“
Quite clearly the perverts who made the above photo are baby killing homosexuals. Because either you support the God inspired work of President Bush and the Republican Party, or you’re a Liberal, and Liberal means homogay in the Republican Language. (If there were actually a Republican Language, we’d spread it around the World, just like we’ve spread McDonalds Democracy!!).
Is it a coincidence that the homogay San Francisco is the homeland of Nancy Pelosi? I don’t think so! Much like it’s quite clear that it isn’t a coincidence that Abomber isn’t white….. neither are terrorists. The Liberal Agenda is being exposed!!! They want to control the media, control the minds of innocent Christian children into believing that Gays are anything but disgusting, and control the idea that George Bush was a terrorist, rather than a Christian hero. WE SEE THROUGH THE BULLSHIT LIBERALS! America is waking up to the idea that we’re the true party of Christ (he hates muslims, we hate muslims, he hates gays, we hate gays, he performed miracles, we got George Bush election… twice!… see a pattern?), we’re the true party of freedom….if you’re white, heterosexual, a Republican, a Christian, and hate abortion…. you’re entitled to as much freedom as you could possibly want! We’re an open book, filled with blank pages for you to fill up with whatever you want (as long as it’s not hippy gay muslim evolutionist jewish lies) freedom! Open your eyes! Abomber’s approval ratings accoring to Gallup have gone down from 63%, to a measly, pathetic 62%…… you’re days are well and truly numbered, Liberals.

The above picture, made by homogay jewish muslimists is just another attempt to divert attention away from the real Issue. Barack Isane Abomber has pledged to cut the taxes of anyone earning less than $250,000 a year. So that means that ordinary families keep a larger chunk of their hard earned money, whilst Abomber continues to waste money on those scumbags who don’t have a job and homofaggays. Well we showed him!!! We struck back against wasteful spending, by using the money he saved us, to buy one million tea bags. That will show Washington that we’re serious about cutting wasteful spending!

What about those people earning above $250,000. They’re people too! How the fuck do you think they’re going to be able to afford another Yacht now? The Yacht they have at the moment is going out of date. It doesn’t even have a built in heater in the on board swimming pool. And now they can’t afford a yacht WITH a built in heater? It’s like the Third World has came to America!! Barack Obama? Barack Stalin more like.

As for the above picture of George Bush; the Liberals are clearly trying to suggest that he’s the terrorist we should all be aware of. Oh really Liberals? Well I’ve got news for you! George Bush has been a truly courageous leader, fiscally responsible, a uniter or people, and warrior of Christ! Those people in Iraq weren’t even Christian. Do you think they deserved to live? He tried to convert them! He gave them the chance to find Jesus, and they just threw a shoe in his face! WELL YOU WORSHIP THE WRONG GOD MUSLIMISTS! Why do they worship Alliyah anyway? Her songs aren’t even that good.

Abomber seems to be apologising for America’s actions over the past eight glorious years. Why? We don’t need a President to be “tolerant”. Were the muslimists tolerant when they refused to accept Jesus as their lord and saviour? NO! Were the homogays tolerant when they refused to accept that they’re disgusting? NO! Were countries filled with natural resources tolerant when The United States of Awesome freed them and made it cheaper for them to live, by blowing the hell out of some of their family members? NO! Were the Darwinists (Satan worshippers) tolerant when we beat them with logic and intelligence by showing them the Bible? NO! Were Liberals tolerant when you voted for a black man (AKA criminal) even though Sarah Palin has much better eyesight and can see Russia from Alaska? NO! Were the panzy Lefties tolerant when we rightfully supported Pinochet? NO! At least George Bush gave the military something to do! Liberals would be happy to see the military not in the middle of a war zone. Soldiers without jobs… what does that remind me of….. oh yes…. the STUDENT HIPPY UNEMPLOYED SOCIALISTS!! Why don’t you Darwin lovers do us all a favour and evolve into a hard working Republican!!

Checkmate Liberals!

Republican Jamie

For one day only, i’ve decided to embrace the art of being a Republican.
And so for all you lefties (closet homosexuals) and those of you who like to engage brain activity (Satan worshippers) it’s probably best you look away now.

Thank god for Texas Gov. Rick Perry (A true Patriot, perhaps even the ACTUAL 2nd coming of Christ), who suggested Texas could secede from the Union. Texans should be proud! They don’t need evil socialist gay loving social security, medicaid, highway repair, medicare and anything else the Union offers them. Texas doesn’t need to be included in the same list of States as Gayowa. Take your Socialist Federal infrastructure back! Take back Department of Defence funding! Texas doesn’t need that commie bullshit. God will replace it all! And as for the new Texan economy, it’d be amazingly strong! Because we’re the party of fiscal responsibility you know! Plus, Bush is a Texan, so considering he’s been a fiscal genius over his eight years (I like to call them, America’s Golden Years), he can be the brand new Nation of Texas Treasury Secretary. YEAH! Texas doesn’t need your commie Union.

For the past three months a black man (I believe they are referred to as “bruvas“) has occupied George Bush’s house. It seems a little unfair. Bush had successfully managed to lower house prices SO much, that anyone (including lazy “bruvas from da hood“) can afford to buy, so much so that a bruva has taken Bush’s house from him. That’s gratitude for you. The lying liberal media (with the exception of the totally fair and unbiased Fox News) have lost control when it comes to Barack HUSSAIN (yes, Hussain!!! It sounds like insane!!! Coincidence?) Obama (YES!! Obama!! It sounds like a bomber!! Coincidence?…. Barak insane Abomber*….. God warned us!!). They’re everywhere. The BBC over here with it’s Trotskyist approach to news reporting …… i’ve never once seen them refer to homosexuals as dirty sinners, who shouldn’t be allowed near children, and are on their way to hell… even though that’s exactly what they are. The liberal media with it’s homosexual agenda must go!

Earlier I pointed out that Bush had managed to destroy push down house prices so much so that even those weird coloured people bought them up. Which in turn, lead to the crises we’re in today. George Bush, Dick Cheney and Phil Gramm just tried to help. The Liberal media and it’s muslim loving homosexual agenda will have you believe that those three helped deregulate so much that the entire market became one big mess. Well it wouldn’t have become a mess if blacks hadn’t started paying for things they couldn’t afford bringing their crime and “shiz” into crime free happy joyful white neighbourhoods!!!! We all know that the only way to deal with a fire is to set it on fire. And so logic dictates that the only way to deal with this crises is more deregulation!! Much like the only way to deal with increase in gun crime is more guns!!!

Liberals will have you believe that a woman has the right to choose whether or not she has an abortion. As an outsider looking into the Freest country on the Planet, I wonder, where is the freedom for a Christian to block a woman deciding what she thinks is best for her body? She’s clearly wrong if the she wants an abortion. She’s going against God. Like the gays and the jews and brown people. The true followers of Jesus Christ (Republicans) have a moral duty to correct this. It wont be long before they actually want to abort children AFTER they’re born, have left college and got a job. The liberals will say it’s the mothers right. Could they be any more in cahoots with the anti-christ (who, coincidentally, is Barak Insane Abomber)? Liberals would allow a child to grow up, and indulge in premarital sex…… homosexual sex nonetheless, with same sex hookers, and then for fun, they’d go out and perform an abortion.

We fight for the right of life! Children are precious and should be treated as such! Even before birth. In fact, even before conception. Every time you masturbate you’re killing potential children, and God hates you for it, you fucking murderers. And don’t tell me that we’re baby killers just because a few Iraqi children died in our bombing. They don’t even believe in Jesus. And, they’re Iraqi, so they’d only grow up to be terrorists anyway.
We protect children! Which is why we vetoed the SCHIP program, an evil leftie commie hippy program designed to give five million poor children health insurance. Do you know how Clinton wanted to pay to cover those poor lazy kids? That’s right! He wanted to raise tax on cigarettes. Which, in turn would lead to less smoking, and less State tax revenue. He actually thought it was Constitutional to help lazy kids whilst at the same time cut smoking. All it’s doing is teaching kids to be commies and that’s un-American. “Help” is un-American.
Luckily Senate Majority Leader at the time, Trent Lott said that it was just a large inflated Government program that would not pass! Hate lazy kids but love cigarettes? Vote Lott! Perhaps if the children weren’t lazy or black or muslims, Jesus Christ would love them enough to give them more money for health insurance. But he didn’t. Because they’re lazy. And the money I spend on cigarettes I DO NOT want going to helping Satan’s children, who will probably grow up to be homosexuals or criminals any way.
Luckily Bush was on hand to veto any attempt to pass such a bill, saying that it would “federalize health care” and we don’t want no fucking evil commie healthcare system like the gayropeans in countries like Gay Britain have.
But then Barack Insane Abomber became President (America’s first Terrorist President, who will undo all the humanitarian work that Bush has achieved), and suddenly four million more children including (and this bit sickens me) the children of legal immigrants are now covered!!!! Commie Mexican kids, taking up YOUR tax dollars to fund their health care? What next? A Socialist police force covering all areas regardless of who can afford it? Some of those kids don’t even believe in Jesus. Should we be paying for them to recover? Boo hoo, they’re ill…… if they weren’t so heretical and lazy, perhaps they wouldn’t need your tax money!!

What if those kids grow up to be scientists (faggot Jesus deniers)? How guilty will you feel if you helped cure a kid who insists on Darwin’s idea that your grandma was an ape? What if he teaches YOUR kids that gays are not evil satan worshippers? What if he teaches that the Earth isn’t 6,000 years old? What if he grows up to tell us all that Polar bears are worth saving instead of letting Dick Cheney grow richer from his oil ventures? What if he grows up to support action on climate change (it’s really cold here today, Global Warming? More like Global liberal homosexual jesus hating bullshit) Could you live with yourself if all that happened? I certainly couldn’t. The liberal media would win, and that can’t happen!! Why haven’t they questioned where Abomber gets his suits from? I tell you why…. because he gets his suits from terrorist homosexuals in Iran which is near Eurogaycommieland. That’s why!

The fact remains that Abomber wants to let muslims with bombs straight from Gitmo (liberals say that some of those inmates are “innocent”….. they come from outside the U.S.of.AWESOME, so they’re not fucking innocent. They deserve it! The Satan worshipping homos) live next door to you. It’s no surprise. He’s never once came out in public and denied that he’s a terrorist, which means he’s a terrorist. Like all muslims are terrorists. He wants to let homos into the military. Yeah that’s just what they need, whilst the REAL men are killing as many dirty terrorist arabs as possible, suddenly a man dancing to George Michael records sits next to them and starts talking about shoes.
He wants your kids to be bummed in school by the gays. He thinks it’s ok to allow teachers to say “Darwin” instead of “Satan” and teach that farfetched ridiculous impossible concept of evolution. Luckily It wont last long, we have Jesus on our side….. he was the son of a virgin and God, who was killed for our sins, rose from the dead, walked around for a bit, and then ascended into heaven. And worst of all Barack Insane Abomber has never once said “I’m not a muslim and i’m not an atheist“. Logic must conclude that because he’s never said those words, he must be a muslim and an atheist aswell as being a homosexual, a jew and black (so much for racial equality, change we can believe in?). We need to stop this. Already “Gayowa” has given into to the fags and given them the right to get married (which means I never want to get married, because if I did, i’d be a bit like the gays, and that’s disgusting) turning their state into as Humanevents calls it “A mecca” for aids lovers. Our children are the real victims here (not the lazy ones mentioned earlier, they’re already going to hell). They’re going to grow up thinking that it’s acceptable for two men to get married (two women is hott!), and so rejecting Jesus Christ in the process. And everyone knows if you reject Jesus our lord, you’re going to hell. As this chart shows.

See that! Satan is a pacifist. A leftie. A liberal. A homosexual. He doesn’t believe in violence. We have God on our side. He isn’t afraid to kick ass! FUCK YEAH!

Do I feel safer with Barack Insane Abomber in the White House? No. Whilst he and his home boyz sit chillin’ to 50 Cent, talking using a teleprompter (Bush didn’t have to do that, and his speeches are just as awe-inspiring and beautifully eloquent – even more so than the terrorist who took over) the World is laughing at America because we’re the wimps now! At least Bush and Jesus kept us in the West safe from terrorism (Madrid, London, 9/11, Turkey, Tunisia, and Morocco don’t count as proof that the World is more unsafe because if the Gayocrats had been in charge since 2001, those places wouldn’t even exist now!!! They’d all be muslim….. London would now be Londonstan… Bush stopped that from happening). Barack Insane Abomber is one of those who want to hurt Americans. When end of days is upon us (Republicans vs atheist homosexual muslim jews), Insane Abomber will have a lot of explaining to do.

Thank goodness for Republican bloggers! Like Sure Sense, who rightfully warns that after the Homeland Security Document covering Right Winged extremism (it is my freedom and the freedom of the other Republican bloggers, to completely ignore the fact that a report was also released on Left Wing Extremism) is bringing about THE END OF THE WORLD! Sure Sense doesn’t like that the DOHS Document, especially line “It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration“
Sure Sense, tries to analyse the line, with his own magical synopsis…..
“So what this is saying is that all Evangelical Christians, who hold homosexuality and abortion to be a sin are now potential terrorist threats. “
- YES! That’s exactly what it says. I didn’t notice it before, because I was too busy focusing on the actual words. When I read it over and over, that’s exactly what it says! They are putting all Christians down as terrorists! Which we’re not! That’s the muslims! Luckily Sure Sense is on track to be much more understanding toward us Christians, much more accepting, much less vile…
” I do not hold that Buddha, Confucius, or Mohammad can get people to God. Sure, they may help you be “religious”, but all of their teachings are about how you have to be good enough, and you can’t be.”
- That’s fucking right! How dare the DOHS attack us. Those damn intolerent, ignorant bastards. It’s everyone else, who aren’t American Christians, who’re going to hell!!! We tried to tell that to the Iraqis, they hate us for it. So fuck them!
He doesn’t stop there! He continues with his well thought out logic!!…
” From there, we’ll see Christians being jailed, and eventually martyred.“
That’s right!! As well as being a gay loving commie, Abomber is also a big fan of the works of Emperor Nero. I fear for the future of Christians.

The only way to clean up the mess that Abomber has created (It’s a new mess, totally unexpected, definitely was not the fault of the previous incredibly competent Administration, despite what Liberals might tell you), is by having tea parties and talk of secession!!! That’s the way forward for the glorious GOP! Chuck Norris/Rush Limbaugh for President/Vice President of Texas!!!!!

Right, i’m off teabagging with the other ten Republicans (which the Liberal media wont cover by the way!!!) We don’t want our children inheriting such a huge tax burden!!!!(that’s not to say we wont accept the tax cut they’re giving us… the biggest in middle class U.S History apparently…..which makes them SECRET communists or fascists. One of the other!) Our children have a right to inherit an overly polluted earth free from tax burden!! We’re revolting for the sake of FREEDOM and that makes us Patriots! Unlike when those Lefties protested the Iraq war, the un-American homosexual Jesus hating muslims.

For true freedom (we freed Iraq baby!!) vote Republican in 2012. If you don’t, then you’re going to hell.

*Watching too much Abomber increases the risk of cancer.

Russell Brand Live

“To me a heaven would be a big bull ring with me holding two barrera seats and a trout stream outside that no one else was allowed to fish in and two lovely houses in the town; one where I would have my wife and children and be monogamous and love them truly and well and the other where I would have my nine beautiful mistresses on 9 different floors” – Ernest Hemingway

Please…. please… tell me the man above, does not represent Conservative America as a whole?
Brand said of those who keep saying “he’s our President, not yours!!! Sort your own politics out before insulting ours!”…… If that’s the case, stay out of the affairs of the rest of the World. And they speak as if we don’t think our own politicians are just as shit as America’s politicians.

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Americans are not exactly renowned throughout the rest of the World for their edgy sense of humour, which acts as no surprise when I remember seeing the headline in our papers over here in the UK that Russell Brand’s performance as the host of the 2008 MTV VMA awards didn’t go down too well with our American cousins. England however, loved it.

The VMAs aren’t popular over here. There is nothing more cringeworthy than seeing a bunch of over paid minimally talented musicians thank Jesus for a largely pointless award (Although given that Jesus is spending his time helping Chris Brown win best video at a ridiculous award show, it helps to explain his lack of interest in global poverty around the World). However, Russell Brand (with the exception of those who read The Daily Mail) is incredibly popular over here. Sell out tour after sell out tour, fast selling DVDs and known for his incredibly friendly yet child like nature. We know he has a salacious mind, we know he’s sexually liberated, and we know when you put him in a room with horrible little Christian pop star idiots who have a problem with anyone who likes sex, he’s going to have a field day.

This weekend, my beautiful girlfriend and I went to see Russell Brand perform live in Nottingham. This tour is off the back of the scandals he’s recently been involved in. These involve Sachsgate, which in my childish mind, and those like me, was very funny. And of course, the fantastic digs during the VMAs last year. Namely, calling George Bush, “that retarded cowboy fella, who wouldn’t be trusted with a pair of scissors in our country” and the Jonas Brothers for their ridiculous yet very public vow of celebacy and those horrible rings they wear. When the Bush joke didn’t go too well in America, Brand said he went back stage and he along with his writing partner had to scrap the jokes they’d written, knowing that the Americans just don’t understand our humour.

However, in Nottingham, Brand told us those jokes. They had the audience laughing for a very long time. He certainly made the right choice not to use them at the VMAs, if the American Right can’t handle Bush jokes and the Jonas’s “Professional Virginity jokes” they would have exploded in a fountain of humourless droplets when hearing the other jokes he had planned. Whilst we were in tears of laughter, Brand said “Yeah thanks, could of done with you there on the night though!” Which I thought was a nice little touch.

I will keep them to myself, just in case 14 year old American Girls who seem to think the Jonas’s are heroes, decides it’s wrong to be taking the piss out of the Kanye West, and Michael Jackson. Or in case Jordin Sparks decides to say, with much cringe worthiness again … “I just wanna say, it’s not bad to wear a promise ring because not every guy and girl wants to be a slut, OK?“….. I guess in her mind, i’d be classed as a slut…… which, i’m now even more proud of. As Brand said “A bit of sex never hurt anyone“. I’ve never labelled anybody a slut for enjoying sex. If you want to have sex with as many people as possible because you enjoy sex, like Hemingway enjoyed sex, like Brand enjoys sex…. then go for it! Sexual liberation is a beautiful thing!

Yahoo Questions revolving around whether all Americans now hate Brand, have comments (which really do fall into the realm of disbelief) like….” I’m from America and personally this guy was the worst piece of crap to host the VMAs. I could’ve stood up there and made better jokes than that unknown goofy looking idiot. ” ……… These kinds of incredibly ridiculous comments, add to the reason why those of us who understand his humour, his quick witted comments, his incredible mind, are slowly coming to consider Russell Brand, like Ricky Gervais, to be a comedy genius.

Brand, on Friday night read us all a list of his favourite death threats from Americans after the VMAs.
One guy, sent a rather amusing death threat, to which Brand amusingly replied to with…

The show focused a lot on how he was perceived in America and the crazy death threats he received. If Right Winged America doesn’t like anybody insulting their ex-President; and if Right Winged America doesn’t like the idea of sexual freedom, I think it’s best that pretty much all of our comedians and our Comedy shows don’t try to cross the Atlantic any time soon.

For us, Russell Brand is possibly the most intelligent yet naive, brilliant yet child like in his mannerisms, sex crazed yet civil and polite, able to poke fun at himself but with such egotism and self awareness it’s beautifully crafted. It seemed from his live show that the past year of controversy he has caused, was part of a design. The nice things Brand has done, have not been widely publicised (like here and here) instead largely going unnoticed.

He speaks for a generation of Brits who do not view the World through the hate filled specs of the Right Wing. He speaks as a Libertine, who accept that sex shouldn’t be a taboo and shouldn’t be strictly confined to ‘loving couples’ that it should be embraced and enjoyed and the scare tactics attached to it by institutions like the Church should not be taken seriously.. He speaks as someone from a Working class background whose vocabulary and vast literary knowledge outweighs that of most English Masters students. And his ability to destroy the arguments of those Far Right Winged Patriots and Nationalists is beyond that of any Politician throughout the Country. America doesn’t understand, because America has never understood our humour, much like we don’t understand their often misplaced and slightly ignorant Patriotism.

I wont tar every American as being devoid of all humour. Because that would be untrue and harsh. A lot of Americans “get it”. A lot just don’t find him funny, not because they hate him, but purely because Brand is not to their taste, which is fair enough. But those Americans who find him offensive and actually took the time out to complain that he insulted Bush, should be ashamed that they find comedy insulting, yet a President who lies and cheats his way through eight years they have no problem with.

British humour has always stood way above American humour for my taste. I find light hearted Sein Feld-like comedy boring, predictable, and replayed over and over again in shows like Frasier and Friends. I love controversy. I love intelligent comedy that isn’t just catering to a Conservative audience. I love “different”, and for that reason, Russell Brand remains one of my favourite comedians.

Still, I had a fun weekend. Here’s me with a few friends. If you happen to be a Christian pop star, it’s probably best you avert your eyes, because you’re about to see me, being kissed by a female friend, who then in the next picture, grabs the breast of my lovely girlfriend. THE FIENDS!

cheek kissing

I never know how to greet women.
How odd does that sound? A simple “hello” would probably suffice. I mean, when they lean in close for a kiss-cheek-greeting, my eyes widen and I panic. When I say “panic” I don’t mean that I run away with my arms in the air, shouting “ARRRGGGH”, that would make it impossible to leave the house ever again. I’m not that bad. But I never know what to do. Do I decide which cheek to go for? Do they present the cheek they want kissing? Do they want both cheeks kissing? If they don’t mention how many cheeks will be involved in this kiss greeting, do I choose? If they only wanted one cheek kissing, and I go for the second cheek, and they pull away before I get there, what do I say? “I liked the taste of the first one so I thought ‘why not’ “? Normally if i’m involved in kissing, my hands are drawn to the breasts, surely that’s not appropriate? What the fuck is wrong with a handshake? They’re easy. They require now strategy beforehand, no tactic. Cheek kissing has no guidelines! It’s chaos!

I see people doing it all the time. Quickly. Well placed. Like they’ve been doing it for years. “I’ve been kissing cheeks for ten years now, i know the theory inside out.” They know which cheek to go for, how long to kiss for, the appropriate level of “mwah” noises to make, and they slowly get into the flow of conversation, and i’m stood in awe. The lack of awkwardness, the control of chaos, is beautiful. Like when children kick a football purposely against the miserable old man’s fence, and he keeps coming out to yell at them, every time, they throw him the stick of childishness, and he chases it, those kids have control of that chaos!!!

You cannot possibly understand the indelible feeling of awkwardness when you kiss one cheek, and then pull away, whilst they (in slow motion) produce the second cheek that you now aren’t kissing. And then you have to go back in, which makes it seem like you didn’t want to kiss the cheek in the first place, which in turn acts not as an intended greeting, but she now feels a sharp sense of rejection.

Similarly, you cannot possibly understand the embarrassment felt when as a male, I go to kiss the second cheek and she pulls away expecting the cheeking kissing fun to have stopped after the first. She was content with one cheek kiss. Any further kissing of cheeks, she has not consented to. You are essentially, a face rapist.

No amount of face raping will ever come close to the most horrendous scenario known to the World of cheek kissing. It involves your partner’s mother, or grandma, or aunty, someone you feel slightly uncomfortable sticking your lips on in the first place. It involves aiming for one cheek, strategically going for that left cheek, you’ve planned it, you’re going in, you’re a cheek kissing Romeo right now………… and then, just as you go to kiss that left cheek, she turns to offer her right cheek, and you’ve managed to miss both, getting her lips. Let’s not mince our words up, let’s say it like it is, you’re now kissing your partner’s mum. You can bet that she will recoil in horror. You start wondering what the best way to end your life would be. And then from nowhere, your partner’s grandma smiles provocatively in your direction…………………….