I appear to had forgotten just how unreasonable a vindaloo is a few hours after you’ve eaten it.
It’s like an incredibly attractive female, who, after you’ve “enjoyed” her, tells you she’s got herpes.
It sits there, staring at me, begging to be eaten, and so owing to my great incapability for saying no, I eat it. Savouring every last beautifully cheap and greasy mouthful (the curry, not the attractive female), I’m too deep into the heavenly taste, that I don’t think about the consequences of these actions. I go to bed satisfied.
A few hours later, and I wake up feeling like someone is about to blowtorch my arse.
I’ve wondered recently, what heaven is. What it’s like. Who it pleases. Who decides what universal perfection and happiness is. I mean, I understand that Heaven is the perfected perfection. It’s also very Conservative, in that it doesn’t like change or social progression. God spits at the Gays! Like an angry redneck scared that the sanctity of his second marriage to his second cousin may be undermined if we let the “fags” marry. It’s also very undemocratic, what with one guy ruling the entire place, very heavy handedly I might add, Bush will be invading heaven before January, I assure you.
If, as Christians tend to suggest, no homosexual person, or no person who questions Christianity, or no person who hasn’t accepted Jesus as “their lord and saviour” exists in heaven, then I do not want to go to Heaven. If the Christian heaven, void of anyone who happens to have a different view of life exists, then it’s indeed a very good advert for going to Hell. Hell seems much more diverse and accepting.
A Christian at Speakers Corner, Hyde Park, once told me that unless you accept Jesus into your life, you are destined for hell. I asked him, “what would happen to an Aid Worker in the Sudan, who dedicates his life to helping others, all his money goes into helping orphaned children live a better life, but is Atheist, and Gay?” The Christian, told me that man would go to hell for being a non believer. Yet this Christian stood in front of me, aimlessly condemning good people to hell, will be going straight to heaven? This same Christian, who will act morally, purely to appease his God and maybe get on the path to Heaven, whereas that Gay Atheist aid worker, acts morally, because he wants to do good, he has no one to impress, no God to appease, he does the right thing, for the sake of humanity, is going to hell? I think that’s a brilliant advert for hell right there.
Surely Heaven is different for everyone? My idea of the perfect eternal World will be entirely different to that, for example, of a White Supremacist. Their idea of heaven, may very well be void of all black or Asian people. Whereas, my idea of heaven would include every ethnic grouping, every coloured skin, every sexual orientation, every Nationality, every class, and every walk of life on the planet, living in a place without a whisp of fear or bigotry.
The idea of the perfect World for a Priest, may not include sexual salacious bliss, or may only include sexual salacious bliss for couples who had married in the material World. This, is my idea of hell.
Everyone is different.
A Vegetarian may find that his or her idea of Heaven, is never having to find another restaurant that actually caters to Vegetarians in a respectful maner. A table full of beautiful Vegetarian dishes. Whereas, my only edible wish for Heaven, all I ask of God, if he truly is merciful, would be a Vindaloo that doesn’t set my arse on fire.