Airing private matters on public blogs is considered a little bit taboo. But, it is the way I like to express myself. I am not bothered by the apparent societal standard of keeping private matters to oneself, because I like to get advice and comments, and I tend to struggle to talk to people face to face. I fear I am boring them, or forcing my problems onto them, or only talking about myself. I end up just saying “I’m fine, i’ll be fine, everything is fine”; I hate that feeling. I tend to not look people in the eye when talking to them. It is my one big insecurity. So this is my outlet. Deal with it.
Last Friday my Granddad died.
This Sunday (today), my mum entered the living room, told my dad “i’ve met someone else“, that it’d been going on since June…. and then left. No explanation, no conversation. After almost 26 years of marriage. My dad is in a state of shock. As am I.
Next Friday is my granddad’s funeral.
My mum picked a fucking awful time to reveal her little selfish secret. And a pretty shit way to air it.
To say that my week has been shit, is an understatement. I am a pretty strong person usually, but at the same time, it feels as if my World has turned from a pillar of stone, to a pillar of sand crumbling slowly, in a matter of days. I have no idea how to deal with it.
To top it off, I have three University essays and a presentation to write up, in less than a month. My mind is a tornado, and everything caught up in it, is an unrecognisable blur. I can’t think straight. I can’t concentrate. I haven’t slept properly in days. I want to scream.
The one saving grace, is that I see Ash in just five weeks.