A bad week

Airing private matters on public blogs is considered a little bit taboo. But, it is the way I like to express myself. I am not bothered by the apparent societal standard of keeping private matters to oneself, because I like to get advice and comments, and I tend to struggle to talk to people face to face. I fear I am boring them, or forcing my problems onto them, or only talking about myself. I end up just saying “I’m fine, i’ll be fine, everything is fine”; I hate that feeling. I tend to not look people in the eye when talking to them. It is my one big insecurity. So this is my outlet. Deal with it.

Last Friday my Granddad died.
This Sunday (today), my mum entered the living room, told my dad “i’ve met someone else“, that it’d been going on since June…. and then left. No explanation, no conversation. After almost 26 years of marriage. My dad is in a state of shock. As am I.
Next Friday is my granddad’s funeral.
My mum picked a fucking awful time to reveal her little selfish secret. And a pretty shit way to air it.

To say that my week has been shit, is an understatement. I am a pretty strong person usually, but at the same time, it feels as if my World has turned from a pillar of stone, to a pillar of sand crumbling slowly, in a matter of days. I have no idea how to deal with it.

To top it off, I have three University essays and a presentation to write up, in less than a month. My mind is a tornado, and everything caught up in it, is an unrecognisable blur. I can’t think straight. I can’t concentrate. I haven’t slept properly in days. I want to scream.

The one saving grace, is that I see Ash in just five weeks.


6 Responses to A bad week

  1. Nikki says:

    MASSIVE HUGS hun …. only a text/call away xxx

  2. Black Flag says:

    I feel for you, Futile.

    All I can say is something lame, but true.

    In the end, it will all turn out just fine….

  3. ash says:

    I wish I could be there gorgeous. I feel utterly useless all the way over here. You have good things to look forward to. Xxxxx

  4. Sam says:

    Hiya hun, reading that makes my heart ache for you. I’ve been having a few issues this week too, nothing that quite compares to the devistating news you’ve had, but, like you have a realtionship with the internet that i sometimes turn to for comfort or advice. I had tension with someone this week that just couldn’t understand it and was far less supportive than the people I was talking to online, so really i’d like to think that it has proved my point that somestimes online is better. And like you say people can choose to read it and comment or not and you don’t feel like you’re forcing your problems on people. Good on you I say.
    I’m not sure what I have to say about seperation of parents will be of any use to you but I’ll say it just in case. I got told my mum and dad were seperating when I was 12 and at 27 think i’m just about coming to terms with it. I started acting up and doing badly at school and pretty much couldn’t stop crying for years, not because they had a good relationship and couldn’t understand why they were seperating but because I felt like I was in the middle of a war. Mum would slag off dad, dad wouldn’t be around very much and there was no solid parent/home structure that made me feel safe. I think my point is that any family break up is utter pants but you Are a strong person, and you’re not a child and although everyone always needs their mum and dad you have your own life and goals; an independant man working his way through Uni and looking forward to your wonderful Ash moving here. One thing I couldn’t see when I was younger is that “mum” and “dad” were people in their own right and had to do what was good for them not just me. So I can imgaine there will be a lot of anger and confusion, especially for the reason that your mum said but you know what they will always be your mum and dad whether they’re together or not and they will now need to deal with their problems between themselves as two people in a relationship not a mum and dad. You are a strong person and these are very crappy things to happen but you have a wonderful future, so it’s going to be hard over the next few weeks, months but so much good stuff is going to happen. You are indeed one of my favourite online people so chin up Jamie!!

    P.s. please tell Ash that her blog about rut fever really helped me out this week.

    Much Love.


  5. Subie112 says:

    Jamie this officially sucks and I hope your doing ok, but just think the beginning of this post was about how you were worried you’d be dumping your problems on people, when actually as you can see people care, despite however much you think your dumping on them that’s what your good friends are there for, hope this week goes smoothly x x

  6. co says:

    http://closertothesoul.wordpress.com/2010/02/06/we-are-also-familyfriends-and-lovers/ maybe this might be usefull, there will come a time that you will understand what is happening, long or short term it does not only depend on you….

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