Tweeting Haraam.

In the dying days of a faith, it is often the case that the most intense believers become overly defensive, paranoid, demanding, irrational, and aggressive in an attempt to preserve or perpetuate the illegitimate power they once had over the lives of others. Christianity no longer has the political power it used to have, and in its fits of dying rage from those who still wish it did, we hear constant overly dramatic, irrational and patriarchal sentiments spewed at women’s rights, at homosexuality, at the progression of science, that an Earthquake is God’s angry judgement and so forth. Similarly, the extremities within Islam – as the will for democracy, feminism, and secularism spreads across the World, as moderate Muslims reject Islamism as a political system everywhere – tend to overreact with irrational, and laughable sentiments of their own. Recently, Islamists take to social media to voice their opposition to anything even slightly “Western“, and usually if it has the effect of making people happy. The disapproval of the religious far-right is commonly gifted to us in the form of condescension and a distinct religious superiority complex.

And so, here is a selection of crazed Islamists – The Westboro Baptist Church of Islam – angrily letting us all know what Allah disapproves of these days:

– Yes! Exactly! My sweet grandma is quite naturally going to burn in the PITS OF HELL because she brought a Valentines Day card for my granddad. Spread this message of love… against love. Because hating love, is the new loving love.

Ever see a loved up couple out on a date? Ever think to yourself “they’re cute. Look at them, gazing lovingly at each other“? Ever smile as they walk out of the restaurant clutching hands, knowing that the butterflies are fluttering in each of their stomachs hoping the other wants a second date? Ever watched the sweetness of romance blossom between two friends? WELL DON’T! They are the product of Satan! They’re definitely evil. As this tweeter kindly points out:

– Our old favourite of the religious right wing; the subjugation of women. On the subject of how to control women (a key ingredient of the Abrahamic traditions), this next guy gives us a key insight:

– Yes. He just compared women, to a mobile phone. A possession. Something that, unless looked after, will falter. Essentially, what’s good for an object like a mobile phone, is good for an object like a woman. One wonders what it is he believes a woman needs protecting from? If, as seems to be the common argument, it is against predatory men….. then I’d have to question his own attitudes toward women; because if the only reason you do not attack a woman is due to what she’s wearing, then you really need to be locked away.

And so the ridiculous bigoted misogyny continues:
– Women, looking at mens knees. Whatever next. Wanting to vote?

– The continued abusive dehumanisation of gay people, is inherent to the fundamentalists of the Abrahamic religions. In fact, it exists nowhere else, but for the realm of archaic cults. Here, she announces that she doesn’t understand how people who are so disgusting, and sinful, can also be quite likeable. What a contradiction! Could it be possible that actually, gay people are no different from the rest of us, and don’t deserve such vicious mistreatment by religious nuts?
For some odd reason, homophobia (and in fact, misogyny) is not treated with the same scorn that racism is treated with, despite all being biological, natural traits. We should consider all homophobia to be despicable, antiquated, and completely unacceptable; even if it is shrouded in the pitiful excuse of “faith“.

– I’m glad he said it. We were all thinking it. It is obvious to everyone that Sony, Nintendo, and Microsoft are cover operations for the real goal of taking over Islamic Nations via a new round of crusades. Nintendo do this, through the novel medium, of making you pretend to play tennis in your living room.

– Lipstick. Because it makes you an Egyptian prostitute from ancient times, willing to do terrible Haraam things. Like looking at footballers knees.

– Music. Ban it. Ban it now. Especially those flutes. All inspired by Satan. Obviously. I do feel that if music were the work of Satan, he’s really let his eye off the ball a little since around the early ’70s. I appreciated his work in the ’60s. But let’s have less Nicki Minaj from now on please, Satan. Thanks.

– Independence Day.

– Santa. Because it’s wrong to talk about fictional characters. This is too easy to respond to.

– Equal social & political rights.

– Seriously. Allah absolutely hates twitter flirts. It say so in the Qur’an. Just under the parts where it’s fine for the Prophet to marry slave girls. Right around there, Allah tells us just how much he dislikes people sending winky emoticons to the opposite sex, on social media.

– Religions are obsessed with sex. Utterly obsessed. Islamists insist that porn is sinful, sex before marriage is sinful (which naturally leads to early marriage), that dating is sinful. Homosexuality is sinful. Bisexuality is sinful. Sexual repression is rife. And so it is unsurprising that by region, the term “sex” is searched for more in Islamic countries than anywhere else on the planet. Pakistan is top of the list, followed by Egypt and Iran. Indonesia and Turkey also make the top ten. Indonesia is top for the search term “homo sex“. Arabic is the second most common language used for the search term “gay sex“. Saudi Arabia is top for the search term “Ass Sex“. A state can try, but it cannot fully repress natural desires. By attempting to make natural desires taboo, it drives them underground, and leads to all sorts of monstrous outcomes.

– Sometimes I wish capslock was haram.

We are often told just how “modest” Islamists are. The very fact that we’re told constantly how modest a religious group are, is rather ironically the height of immodesty. It is also, again, indicative of a religious superiority complex, because declaring modesty is usually accompanied by an attack on anyone who isn’t exactly like them. Here:

– Tattoos.

– Yes! This isn’t over dramatic at all! Stay away from people having fun. Avert your eyes from such evils! Especially women…… there are knees everywhere. Some people even…… I’m struggling to say this…… some people even…… play music.
Also, “literally” naked? Unless he’s talking specifically about nudist beaches, I’m almost certain his use of “literally” offends God more than a man in speedos on a beach.

– Nandos. The Prophet specifically hates Nandos. He tells us, just after he sends Sa’d bin Zayd Al-Ansari with captive women of Bani Qurayza to Najd, to trade the women for horses.

– This is going to make jokes far less funny. I envisage: “Hypothetically if a horse were to walk into a bar, the barman might ask ‘why the long face’? Though I should point out that this didn’t happen, and the first thing the barman should do in this situation is not to ask the horse a question, because the horse wont understand, let alone answer. The first thing the barman should do is notify the local animal shelter and inquire into any missing horse notifications“. This is the sort of joke that pleases God.

So, from this we can conclude that God hates: Valentines day, women’s bodies, women who watch football, voting, dating because Satan invented dating, music because Satan invented music, twitter flirting, games consoles, people who go to the beach, porn, Santa, tattoos, Independence Day, Nandos, and jokes that don’t come with a ‘truth’ disclaimer. All of these, will land you a spot in the pits of hell …… and this is a religion the World actually takes seriously. A religion that has power.

We appear to be under the rather curious impression that a faith is immune from ridicule, or that it deserves a special protective layer, simply because it is widely believed. It is this special protection from ridicule, or satire, or criticism, that gives the religion credence and power that it absolutely should not have, nor does it deserve. The constant declarations of what is “haraam” is not modest when it is not kept to oneself. When it is aired in public, it is simply an attempt to appear superior. It is a divisive mechanism, and a power mechanism. An Islamist superiority complex. It is all about controlling others. Nothing less. We must, of course, not take it seriously. We must ridicule and question it at every opportunity. This is how Theocracy and religious fascism will always die out. And so remember, if far-right Islamists declare something to be “haram” or “something the Kuffar do“, then it is probably extremely fun, and well worth doing, and doing as much as possible.

One Response to Tweeting Haraam.

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